Love at First Web Site
Monday, January 24, 2011
On immensely popular TV show enjoyed by young people: general ridicule
On child character in the TV show 'In the Middle': "precocious little brat"
On children in general: Brats who should keep their mouths shut and only speak when spoken to
On perspiration and tomatoes: Irrational fears of both. Obsession with cleanliness and air-conditioning may have some connection. Air-con in car must be on full-blast without the need for a hot day, making the trip intensely uncomfortable for passengers in the car. Asking "let me know if that is too cold for you" is lacking in sincerity. Everyone in the car would prefer him to turn it right off, and he knows it.
On making cups of tea: The specimen likes people to make him cups of tea. Strict protocol must be followed at all times whenever someone approaches the kettle to make themselves a cup of tea. One must always ask everybody if they also want a cup of tea, and then make it for them. If your tea is made with sugar and milk, the specimen will pour the water into the cup but leave the complicated act of adding sugar and milk to you.
On women: Like children, should keep their mouths shut at all times.
On young women's bodies: For observing surreptitiously especially when subject is wearing a skirt or jeans that accentuate the hip area. No matter if said young woman is daughter of specimen's girlfriend. Young women forced to walk awkwardly when she feels his eyes on her arse.
On young women driving cars: Anyone under the age of 40 is a dangerous hooligan. Mother therefore cannot let 26 year old daughter drive car in regional area where public transport is extremely limited.
On watching the news: Attempts to make intelligent and informed comments are forthcoming. Said comments indicitave of red-neck attitudes towards women (see above) and people that are not specimen. The use of pauses and hesitation between phrases in speech creates a thoughtful, pondering effect common amongst genuine intellectuals.
On dealing with people that don't like them: Constant praise and flattery and frequent use of the phrase "I would have to agree with (subject) there" in order to feign respect where there is in fact none.
On grumbling about people that don't like them: Speciment is slightly deaf and does not realise he is heard when he grumbles and complains about said hooligan he is forced to share a house with. Aforementioned overheard grumbling followed by overdone praise and flattery not well received by those around him, especially when those around him are already made to feel uncomfortable from specimen's propensity to perv on their bodies like a dirty old man.
On saying 'hello', 'goodbye', 'goodnight' and 'good morning': Strict diplomatic protocol must be followed at all times, requiring that all parties bow and greet each other on each occasion. 'Hello' is the most important greeting, and if 'hello' is not said, breach of diplomatic protocol has occurred and results in deep offense that must be appeased by girlfriend. Great pomp and ceremony also occurs around the saying of 'goodnight' before one goes to bed. It is in the interests of world peace that a heartfelt 'good night' must be elocuted clearly and with false sincerity along with other standard but meaningless greetings. ¶ 20:39 0 Comments
On child character in the TV show 'In the Middle': "precocious little brat"
On children in general: Brats who should keep their mouths shut and only speak when spoken to
On perspiration and tomatoes: Irrational fears of both. Obsession with cleanliness and air-conditioning may have some connection. Air-con in car must be on full-blast without the need for a hot day, making the trip intensely uncomfortable for passengers in the car. Asking "let me know if that is too cold for you" is lacking in sincerity. Everyone in the car would prefer him to turn it right off, and he knows it.
On making cups of tea: The specimen likes people to make him cups of tea. Strict protocol must be followed at all times whenever someone approaches the kettle to make themselves a cup of tea. One must always ask everybody if they also want a cup of tea, and then make it for them. If your tea is made with sugar and milk, the specimen will pour the water into the cup but leave the complicated act of adding sugar and milk to you.
On women: Like children, should keep their mouths shut at all times.
On young women's bodies: For observing surreptitiously especially when subject is wearing a skirt or jeans that accentuate the hip area. No matter if said young woman is daughter of specimen's girlfriend. Young women forced to walk awkwardly when she feels his eyes on her arse.
On young women driving cars: Anyone under the age of 40 is a dangerous hooligan. Mother therefore cannot let 26 year old daughter drive car in regional area where public transport is extremely limited.
On watching the news: Attempts to make intelligent and informed comments are forthcoming. Said comments indicitave of red-neck attitudes towards women (see above) and people that are not specimen. The use of pauses and hesitation between phrases in speech creates a thoughtful, pondering effect common amongst genuine intellectuals.
On dealing with people that don't like them: Constant praise and flattery and frequent use of the phrase "I would have to agree with (subject) there" in order to feign respect where there is in fact none.
On grumbling about people that don't like them: Speciment is slightly deaf and does not realise he is heard when he grumbles and complains about said hooligan he is forced to share a house with. Aforementioned overheard grumbling followed by overdone praise and flattery not well received by those around him, especially when those around him are already made to feel uncomfortable from specimen's propensity to perv on their bodies like a dirty old man.
On saying 'hello', 'goodbye', 'goodnight' and 'good morning': Strict diplomatic protocol must be followed at all times, requiring that all parties bow and greet each other on each occasion. 'Hello' is the most important greeting, and if 'hello' is not said, breach of diplomatic protocol has occurred and results in deep offense that must be appeased by girlfriend. Great pomp and ceremony also occurs around the saying of 'goodnight' before one goes to bed. It is in the interests of world peace that a heartfelt 'good night' must be elocuted clearly and with false sincerity along with other standard but meaningless greetings. ¶ 20:39 0 Comments
