Back to School?

Is that a good thing? I don't know, to be honest. I've been gone for so long (two years) I'm totally out of the intellectual challenge loop. I can hardly remember being here or what I did during my breaks for a year and a half. What did I do? This is weird man. In fact since finishing school I've spent more time out of uni than at uni. I do remember how competitive I was in Chinese. I don't feel the same anymore. I've seen four or five old faces, one is doing Asian Film Studies, two more are doing Remaking Chinese Society, and one is doing Chinese aswell. Richard, who was in Chinese with me, is up to Senior Intermediate Chinese, which Prof Dunstan recommended I do, but I decided to take the easier option of doing Third-Year. But now I think I'd like to do Senior Intermediate so I can hang out with Richard. It clashes with Classical Chinese though.

I had my first Asian Film Studies lecture today. It sucks though because I don't know for sure whether I'm going to keep doing it or drop it so I have to make like I'm keeping it for at least two weeks. So do I fork out for the reader? Bloody hell (I'm trying not to say fuck anymore for my Mum). There's a bloody 3000 word essay you have to do for it which is going to send me back into the swirling alternate realities and parallel universes of psychosis I'm sure. Next time I'll think the Secret Uni Police will be out to get me for being an incompetent essay-writer and will be coming to chop off my arm right when twoX3000 word essays are due on the same ($^*%## day. Extension please? No, extra time doesn't allow you to do something that you just can't do. Scheiss! @)*$%#&*)$%@&*)#%!*)&#*^@ Anyway we watched this black and white Japanese film set during WWII and it was really kooky and I liked it. I would totally dig watching a different movie every week in class... What a nice finishing touch it would make to my completely useless Arts degree.

In conclusion, I'm in for a (&^%^##^*(%* pass-mark nightmare of more embarrassing essays and stressed-out trips to the library looking for lost books and making useless photocopies and getting bored trying to do all the reading, reading the wrong things, writing the wrong things... the truth is, I'm in shit and this is going to be the worst three months of my life!
I can't do it! I'm in shit, man! Oh, shit!
OK this is when I click my heels together three times and repeat "I only need to pass, I only need to pass, I only need to pass." And bang! I've graduated!
I can do it! I can do it!.... there, that's the spirit................................






No I can't!
Bye. *$$#$!@#$**^$&*^&*(&$%(  ¶ 12:50 0 Comments

  It's Sunday arvo and Rose is back from Queensland yay! Yesterday I went to a BBQ at Karina's then met Ella at the ever-so-classy Crystal Palace opposite Central Station. Because of the new smoking laws, the main section was non-smoking and the smoking section was comprised of the tiny pokie room at the back. Then we caught the bus to Hotel Chambers where we were to meet Mel, Jo, and Jim. Ella hated the place and begged to leave but I wanted to hang out with Mel so I persuaded her to stay a little longer. It was R&B and according to Ella the people weren't friendly enough. Ella is really outgoing and likes to talk to everyone. My housemate Alex reckons all R&B places are like that, and I think it's funny that music type should correlate with the level of friendliness of the people. Then we went to Q Bar which was really dead but we saw Michael from Big Brother, who works there. He had already gone back to his day job, I observed. We were standing right next to him and Mel said 'well say hello' and I turned around and he said hi. It seems I'm talking about him as if he's really really famous but dude the fact is, fame, whether of the 15 minutes-of variety or superstar, is still fame, and it has an effect on people.

Speaking of music and people, next weekend we're having a party at our house. Alex has invited about 50 people, and of course I have invited about three. So it's LUCKY I hardly know anyone. [Nervous laugh.]

I'm thinking of getting a fulltime job after I graduate so I can save up and go to GUATAMALA at the end of next year. Ella's going to South America and reckons she'll rock up to Guatamala aswell. Party in Central America! You know I'm so desperate to travel that I might just end up teaching English after all. Woe is me and my brilliant career.

Well, Big Brother's on in half an hour so I'm signing off! NO wait I KNOW, I'll be a flight attendant!  ¶ 17:42 0 Comments

  Good news, I got the letter saying I've been granted credit for Taiwan. But once again, a little hurdle - they gave me 32 instead of 40 so I had to go back and clarify it for them. If they stick with 30, I'll have to do four subjects this semester. I also heard from Martin in Taiwan, he's PhD thesis just passed so I'm very happy for him.  ¶ 16:13 0 Comments

  On Monday night Ella and I went to Scubar and waited an hour to get in. Ella pashed two Brazilians and says she can never go back to Aussie guys now. I got talking with one of the guys we were standing in line with, from South Africa. He tried to convince me he was an Israeli spy and typical for me I almost believed him. He was a bit weird though. Whenever I smoked, he snatched the cigarrette out of my hand and threw it on the ground even after I told him it wasn't funny anymore. At the appartment of the guy Ella was getting with, I was having a fag on the balcony (43 floors up on Pitt St) enjoying the view and he said "I hate fucking smoking" then went inside. I peeped inside and he was putting on his jacket so I figured he was coming back out onto the balcony. But when I came back inside, he was gone. He left, without saying anything. What a fucking freak. Ella was like "well we didn't like him anyway" but I still wanted him around to pash while Ella was in there pashing her guy. I was so pissed off. Then it took 20 minutes to drag her away and we finally got back to my house at six thirty.  ¶ 14:14 0 Comments

  On Saturday I went for drinks at Ella's place in Coogee. She has really nice friends and I got really drunk off one of the two bottles of red I brought with me and then we went down to the Coogee Bay Hotel where I pashed this really feral guy who I ditched but came back to look for me, gross.

On Sunday I met up with Jordan, who was my best friend in Year 12. He's a dancer living in Germany and he is now fluent in French and German,living what sounds like a great life with a boyfriend and everything. It was nice to catch up after two or so years. It was he who shared my original dream of living overseas and we both mused about how we had both achieved what we set out to do. What next? We asked ourselves. I'm out of dreams, which is so unlike me. Everything just seems so limited now because I want a career and I feel I need to start early. Otherwise I would just go overseas and teach English. I don't know, maybe I will! No. No I won't. You have to wanna teach English to teach English.  ¶ 20:52 0 Comments

  What I Ate Today

Today I had two long blacks and eggs with smoked salmon and hollandaise sauce. It was yummy but I feel guilty for eating it because I vowed not to eat again until I felt hungry rather than greedy. I'm trying to shrink my stomach back to it's usual size, the expensive jeans I bought before I left Taiwan don't button up anymore and I don't know what to blame, excessive eating due to boredom, or this stupid Risperdal which I'm slowly going off. I'm also trying to quit smoking starting today, I finished a packet this afternoon and have not bought a new packet. They're such a ripoff anyway and I could have bought a whole wardrobe with what I've spent on fags since I started smoking full-time during my psychotic adventures through mainland China.

Good news, my housemate Alex and I discussed moving out today, and my other really messy and lazy housemate Julian owes the landlord over a grand, and Alex reckons that if he doesn't pay it back, he doesn't want to move with him (we have to move soon.) I suggested we get a girl housemate yay and he said we'll have two guys and two girls. It's all good. The place'll be much tidier without him. We're also having a party on the 23rd.

I feel like a fag right now. It really feels like a habit now. I stopped biting my nails, now I think it's disgusting. Maybe I'll feel that way about smoking too.  ¶ 16:41 0 Comments

  I can't remember what I've done over the past week, except last night I got drunk with Ella in Coogee and we both pashed the same guy! His friend ran off onto the beach a little freaked out, because Ella wanted everyone to get with everyone. Today I had lunch with Karina and as I waited for her in the lobby of Chifley Tower I observed what all the office people were wearing and mentally designed my wardrobe for when I'm working for a mulitnational hehe. I'm not going to skimp on quality and I'm going to wear bright coloured shirts like purple and green and pink. I imagined going to an interview for a job and getting the job based on my fabulous clothes (and two degrees behind me).

I had a good time with Ella last night, she recalled to me how when we were both 8 or 9 years old at Epping Heights I was the one who told her what condoms, sex, and pedophiles were, after finding out from my wise and older sisters. I had such a good laugh over it. How would I have explained what a condom was at age eight? I wondered what I must have said and laughed.

Yesterday I had lunch with my mum, my sister Mel, and Granny at Granny's place. Nothing exciting to report there.

Oh Saturday was Rose's birthday drinks at the Bank hotel on King St, I had a good time and got really drunk and spent all my money on drinks as usual. Mark came to say hi too. And good news, Rose got a mobile phone so now I can send her a million sms's instead of ringing her and save money yay!  ¶ 20:27 0 Comments

  Cards on Wednesday was fun, I ended up staying the night at Bob's house but couldn't actually sleep because of the three long blacks I had had earlier in the evening. Last time I lay awake with coffee-induced insomnia I was in my taofang in Taiwan and I ended up finding god. Nothing so significant this time.

I met the lady who wanted to offer me a job. I should have read all the giveaway signs beforehand but no, I ignored them. It was an Amway rip-off complete with a presentation with the constant talking with no gaps for me to say I wasn't interested. It was humiliating, I even wore makeup to go and meet her thinking I better make a good impression. So there goes that.

On the workfront, my boss told me off because I didn't refill the chocolate section, and then said he wonders what I actually do when I'm at work, which I felt was going too far, because it's not like I consciously decide not to do work when I'm there. Then there were bad vibes between us. Then, I left a note saying he can just give me three shifts instead of the usual four, and he's given me TWO. I don't think I like my boss anymore, everytime there's a gap in the stock that I probably just failed to notice, he accuses me of being a bludger.

On the career front, I've decided not to study Industrial Design, it's four long years and that's too long. So I'll do a three year business degree at UTS then work for a mulitnational etc. About working for Qantas as a flight attendant, it would be fun to travel, but I reached the conclusion that I would prefer to be the one being served not the one serving. That's what I hate about working in the cafe, all these people come in after work in the city to get their coffee and I always wish I was doing the same, not being the one feeding them their insignificant daily coffee. Ugh, life sucks right now. So anyway, I should be super-employable with an arts degree and a business degree. Let's hope so.  ¶ 13:38 0 Comments