Dear Blog, The little gland things in my throat have morphed into giant durians and they are so big and obtrusive that it even hurts to yawn, and don't ask me about trying to swallow. I woke up this morning having strange four-dimensional dreams about god knows what and at five-thirty with the shivers and massive pineapples in my throat I decided to get out of bed (at 5:30) and study for the Chinese test today which I didn't study for yesterday due to reasons I will expain below.

Well, this guy who is in classical and third-year rang me up yesterday on the pretense of borrowing my textbook to study for the test. He took the book, brought it back, and came in for a cup of tea, and we ended up talking in the kitchen for nearly three hours or something, in English, Chinese, talking about sport, all these things he wants to do together, and I really honestly couldn't believe what was happening. Anyway I was supposed to study for Chinese but after he left I went to Rose's, got back late, then watched a movie with my housemates.

When he first arrived I was stupid enough to say that one of my French-Canadian housemates was hot, (at this point the purpose of his visit wasn't clear) and today he said he was totally confused which is fair enough - this is once again another example of how thick I am when it comes to this kind of thing and how good I am at stuffing up. I was too sick to be bothered going to classical this morning and it kind of looked like I was avoiding him, so I had to explain that too. I'm so dumb, I just can't do anything right! I kind of did want to not go to class because it did have something to do with him - my friend Leah likes him, and I don't want to waltz in and show it off to the world that he is interested in me, sit next to him rather than her... The very concept of seating arrangements freaked me out and it was much easier to just not go than go and feel uncomfortable and also sick while Leah and her friend Alex who has always been particularly unfriendly towards me form the anti-Liz movement based on my going out with Ben. Shit, I don't think I can ever go to classical again.

On Saturday Dan my travel buddy in China was at the Clare Hotel. I asked him if he thought I acted a bit strange when we were there and he said yes, a little bit, but he figured it was because that's what happens when you spend practically 24-7 with the same person. I figure he must be a very very open-minded person to not think I was a total freak when I was there. As for him, he's on his way to becoming vice-president of the SRC and he's only in first year. I've also decided to write a book about a conspiracy adventure through China - it will be very entertaining and psychotics all over the world will be reading it! When does the interpretation of indirect language become paranoid? When exactly did our amazing heroine become psycotic? What really went on in China? {eery music} Did Taiwanese culture drive her to madness? A story to alter and exaggerate then hand down to the grandchildren.  ¶ 11:08 0 Comments

  Well I had the presentation yesterday. I was bloody nervous and you could hear it in my voice. I was so afraid that I didn't have enough material that I actually went on for too long and was asked to skip to the conclusion, the overall result being that I spent five minutes giving backround information and 30 seconds answering the actual question, which was "my conclusion is that... it was a theory that Mao just made up out of his head and wasn't rational...etc" I showed them all the cartoon, got the laughter, then sat down. Then today in the lecture we just had Dr Bray made a point of saying that it wasn't something Mao made up but was based on Marxist principles. Damn. I was so aiming for a distinction, but it all seemed to go wrong.

We got our essay questions today. One of them is "do you agree with the CCP that Mao was 70% good and 30% bad?" I'm not worried about essays anymore, I'm sure if I just crap on, I'll get a credit, which had always seemed to be the case. In fact, I've only ever got a pass for one subject, and that was for Economics. Who can blame me there. it may have had something to do with the fact that I spent that whole semester pronouncing Keynesian Ke-nee-see-an as if it was a unique race of people on a tiny island in South-East Asia.

I'm going down to my half-sister's next weekend. Yay! Next week I have two tests and a report due so this weekend it's gung-ho with the study. Go me!  ¶ 11:18 0 Comments

  I typed out the outline for my presentation last night while getting stuck into the new Harry Potter book. I made an illustration of Mao holding a magic wand and waving it over the peasants on an overhead transparency and I hope I get marks for it. Last time I drew a cartoon to show during a presentation I got a distinction for it so I'm hoping this strategy works again. I hope I'll be able to talk for five minutes on the subject though. Yikes man. Five whole minutes! You almost need a brain for that.

I had two tests yesterday, one for Third-Year Chinese and one for Classical. The classical one was really hard and when I added up how many answers I was actually sure about it looked like I might just pass. I dont' think studying for it would have helped, whenever I study for something I always study the wrong thing anyway. The Third-Year test was mainly a vocab quiz. It's strange actually memorising vocab again. In Taiwan I started off really hard-working but slowly dropped to the point where I just turned up for class and improved my speaking. It's really tough being back at uni and having to be able to write as if I have in fact been studying the language for nearly four years (on and off of course!). And then there's that 2000-character essay to write about my experiences in Taiwan. I just don't want to start it, probably because all it's going to do is remind me how much better I could be if I had just stayed serious when I was there. I remember thinking to myself "will I regret this when I'm back at uni?" and I replied to myself "nah you'll be fine."

There's no TV in my new house so I am being forced to amuse myself in my room with study and reading. Oh I've cut down on cigarrettes - I only had like four yesterday and today I still haven't had one. I'm also on what I call the strawberry diet. You have a healthy breakfast and lunch but for dinner all you eat is strawberrys and apple juice. My stomach has already started to deflate and one day I may even fit back into those expensive jeans I got before I left. Yay!  ¶ 11:09 0 Comments

  This Week a Warm Welcome Goes out to Jesus Christ, who has just taken the "Driver's Seat" in my life. Jesus is 2005 and likes woodwork and SMBD and is well known for dying.

They say the social aspects of uni are an integral part of your uni education and I must say I learnt a few new things the other day when I allowed two girls to sit down with me during my break and tell me about Jesus. Funny, because I had just been praying for a bit of light entertainment. I guess that proves there is a god. So get this, it turns out because of two mythological characters called Adam and Eve, we are all nasty terrible sinners, who will go to hell unless we pray. Then Jesus popped around and died for our sins! Man, I didn't know that, but I'm so glad I know that now. Because yesterday, I lied to the bus driver about losing my student card, and it's good to know that Jesus got torn to shreds and nailed to a cross, just in case that ever happened. (insert Fatboy Slim: I have to Save You like I shooooouuuuuld) I wonder if Jesus even knew what a bus was. I bet as he was hanging there he envisioned a bus and freaked out.

This Week's Episode of Bitch Beach 9021666

Anyway I've moved into my new house on Abercrombie St, it's good, all my furniture fits, I have my computer, and today I even started taking notes for my presentation on Wednesday. it's going to be so crap. Last week I realised that two of my sisters are bitches and that while I once so looked up to them and idolised them, I now have little bordering on no respect for them and the truth that has come to light is that they are dumbarse losers. The eldest has had a carrot stuck up her childish (yeah let's all walk down the stairs and declare "I'm fighting with you") control-freaking arse for a while now, and the other takes every opportunity to make sure I know I wasn't meant to be born. Isn't it great to know that in a Western society you can just give your family the finger once you finally realise they are in fact seriously deficient in the most basic aspects of human relations, and family or no family they're simply not worth giving the time of day to. Oh, how liberating it is to let go of the things that just drag you down. Can't wait for kickboxing on Tuesday. (insert Krusty the Clown: Whoa Ho Ho!)  ¶ 13:40 0 Comments

  Well it's Tuesday of Week 4 (of a total of 13 weeks) of this, my last semester at uni. Only 11 more weeks of this going-to-class and paying-attention and sometimes thinking about starting assignments nonsense. Tomorrow I have a Business Chinese test. Just memorised about 50 characters which I'll never use unless I get a James Bond-inspired face-lift, become Chinese, and suddenly be able to speak Chinese like a native. We had a Third-Year Chinese quiz the other day. I lost a mark and a half for using something I gather is only used in Taiwan, man third-tone as a way of saying very or quite. I also lost half a mark for saying the meaning of juxing was conduct, rather than 'conduct a fucking ceremony'. The Chinese history subject I'm doing is still easy as my presentation hasn't come up yet and all you do is come to lectures and write copious notes which I may or may not ever look at again.

Today I researched business degrees. At this uni econometrics is compulsory for a year. At UTS it isn't. But this uni has a better campus life and I'm about to move in to a house right bloody next door to it. It would be a shame to waste the excellent location. All the subjects at UTS are better, and the entry mark is slightly lower so I have a better chance of getting in. Maybe the people are different there too. Either way, I'll be at uni for another three years. Must intersperse it with another free sojourn in Taiwan.

On the weekend I moved all my stuff to Abercrombie St then went to my sister's house where I'm staying until I can move in. On Sunday we saw our Aunty and Uncle. It was all quite boring but we had nothing better to do, quite unfortunately. I also changed phone networks but was without a phone for the whole weekend till I could get the sim-lock taken off my phone yesterday. That sucked, because people were trying to ring me, so I missed out on the chance to feel popular for the weekend. On the subject of popularity, contrary to my expectations no-one at uni is fighting over me for my friendship despite my striking good looks and charming sense of humour. I feel like getting a t-shirt printed that says "Abandon your pre-established cliquey clique to start a new one with me!" There's this guy I think I like, but a friend already likes him, which makes him off-limits. Trust that to happen. Oh I haven't discussed Classical Chinese. The teacher takes us through really slowly so it's a bit of a bludge really, no preparation for class neccessary. Should I have started a new paragraph for that? You see, this is why I hate writing essays. I just don't know what to say, nor how to say it. My presentation for Remaking Chinese Society is "How rational a response was the Great Leap Forward to problems facing China at the time?" And you don't just talk about starvation and shit, you have to read Mao's speeches, which are all useless boring crap, and answer from an ideological point of view, talking about 'contradictions in society' and all this technical philosophical nonsense.

Kick-boxing tonight, whoo! Hope I don't faint.  ¶ 13:15 0 Comments

  Went to kick-boxing last night. God it felt goooood to really let go and go mental. I was good, man. Wham! Wham! Smack! Phump! I got to practise on a college-girl (college in Australia is like expensive exclusive dorms for the rich and priveleged) and I think I performed better just because she lived at college, and I hate college. So liberating. At the beginning I nearly fainted though due to lack of fitness and had to leave the room for a while till I could stand up without passing out. There's lots of ab. work too, the instructor is like a boot-camp sargeant and I was impelled to shout out "Yes SIR!" when he suddenly changed his mind and made us do twenty more sit-ups.

The people at Abercrombie St rang me (won't give you the address in case Mark tries to break in) and offered me the room, after I had already said I would move into Rose's. Now Rose has to find more people to move into the room by the weekend and I am officially an awful person for having done this to her. So I want to world to know that I am terribly sorry and it'll never happen again and resign myself to the impending doom of her never coming over for lunch at my new place.

Diet update: Alex and his girlfriend cooked pork steaks last night and offered me some, so I had to eat it. But until then all I had had was the watery pumpkin soup already mentioned, plus a small bag of mixed nuts and sultanas. Going well until the pork. This morning I had two coffees and a bit of a Picnic bar. Milk is really fatty so that wasn't a good idea. Anyway bye!  ¶ 09:44 0 Comments

  Reasons why I should go back to Taiwan:

1. Just watched Eat Drink Man Woman. Scenes of Taipei, scooters, food.
2. Live on the scholarship again.
3. Will have Bachelors degree by then, can teach English legitimately.
4. Learn more Chinese.
5. Live in Taipei instead of Taichung. How much better would that be?
6. Lose lots and lots of weight, become really fucking thin I mean, and find modelling work in commercials etc, and become a big fucking star thanks to my in-demand caucasian features and participate in the production of Occidentalist consumer fantasies that I was once briefly, during my time in Taichung, so opposed to.
7. Get in touch with Tania, the Russian who secured herself a Taiwanese husband just as her scholarship was about to run out, now living in Taipei.
8. I would finally get to go to Taroko Gorge and the East Coast beaches, and Green Island, which I never did when I was there (for EIGHTEEN MONTHS!)

Easy-Peasy Taiwanesey. Then I'll come back to Australia and wonder what to do again. My diet starts today, I've decided. All I've had to eat was some watery pumpkin soup, and that's all I'm going to eat. Go Liz! And I'm going to a kick-boxing class tonight. Good on me!

Now I have to go and photocopy half a book, which will not be exciting.
Might get something to eat...  ¶ 15:26 0 Comments

  Well, my boss Ben left, without telling anyone he was going. The new boss is an Indian lady named Neelima. I got to work and Apexa my workmate told me she was really strict. From now on, we have to leave the leftover food in the storeroom overnight so the next morning she can count them to make sure we didn't take any home with us. And we're not allowed to drink free coffees anymore. Lucky I work the afternoon shift and can do whatever I bloody want.

All the househunting with Alex my housemate was unsuccessful. After a long day yesterday we finally decided to find accommodation seperately. This morning it was my plan to go room-hunting but on the way I stopped at Rose's for a cup of tea and was then willingly talked into moving into Cameron's soon-to-be old room. Rose's house, with outback dunny and combined laundy and bathroom, is a bit of a hovel but it should be ok for a temporary solution. And it'll be fun moving in with a friend, I've never done that before. So that'll happen next weekend and I'm wondering if I'll be able to make it to my brother-in-law's 40th birthday party... I'll have to see what happens. If not this weekend, then the next.

Otherwise nothing new in my world, althoug this week I plan to investigate kick-boxing lessons at the uni. Must get fit, and learn how to kick butt at the same time!

Still don't have plans for next year. People keep telling me that something will come up. Hope it's good!

I watched Eat Drink Man Woman the other day. Many scenes of Taipei, made me want to go back, or at least realise realise I would be more than happy to. Oh, Taiwan. It was my home for over a year and I do miss it.

I went to the International coordinator for the Chinese department to get assessed for the in-country unit I enrolled in before I left. 30% of the mark is from this assessment and to my shock I discovered I have to write 3000 characters, hand-written, on my experiences in China. Fuck.

My Mum's getting a hip-replacement tomorrow morning. I'd go and visit her if her ugly pervert of a free-loading boyfriend wasn't squating in her house. Sorry if you read this Mum. (this'll really piss her off).

Love,
Lizwa
Lizwa  ¶ 17:38 0 Comments

  Well, things are looking good on the credit-points front, I had 16 In-Country Study points to start off with, they gave me another 32, which makes 48 all up (the equivalent of a year of study at uni) which means I only have to do 24 points this semester. Whoo hoo. This means I only have to write ONE, yes ONE essay. Hahahahahahhahahaha. I'm laughing all the way to the graduation ceremony. My subjects are officially: Third-Year Chinese, Classical Chinese, Business Chinese, and Remaking Chinese Society. I asked the professor about post-grad options and she said I can do a certificate, diploma or masters by coursework, no research required, which would be good if I chose to do it.

What a bludge this degree has been. All up it will only be two years of real study and a year of bludging spent living it up in Taiwan hoo hoo hoo. This why maybe I should do something post-grad.  ¶ 12:02 0 Comments