Miss Lag, her mother, said "You go ahead, the appointment's in ten minutes." So off Miss Quickstep fluttered to the neurophysiology department located above the children's ward. There were only two rooms to this little department tucked away with the only access being via a staircase from the fifth floor. Miss Q poked her head into one room and was interrupted by Mr Scary EEG Man, the man who, she realised as she looked up at him, would quite soon be sticking her in a chair and attaching electrodes all over her head. "Place your bag on the chair." She placed her bag on the chair and reluctantly motioned towards the only other place to sit - the hospital bed in the corner. "Oh no I meant place your bag on the bed and sit on the chair." The voices that were not in her head said "Phew." She had freaked out hoping she wouldn't have to suffer the further humiliation of being electroded lying down. So she sat there while he glued circles of white paper to her head hoping it generally only took one minute to measure someone's brainwaves. "It'll take about fifteen minutes, and you keep your eyes closed for the whole time." If she herself had suspected there was something wrong with her own brainwaves, she wouldn't have minded so much. But she didn't. Therefore, according to deductive reasoning, she minded. Whenever he left the room, she opened her eyes, just out of curiosity and to make sure everything was still the same: the bookshelf was still there and the floor was still brown. She hoped her little moments of disobedience wouldn't be detected in the print-out but she couldn't feel her brainwaves changing width or speed inside her skull so she relaxed.

Mr Scary made chit-chat with her throughout. "Don't worry," he had said, "it can't read your thoughts." He said it in all seriousness and Miss Q regretted having handed him the request form which said 'post-psychotic' in the prognosis section. "Don't worry," she had replied, "I didn't think I was... it was... hearing voices. I mean, it could read my thoughts." Her sharp rebuttal was blunted by this god-awful jumbling of words. Oops.

For three minutes she had to breathe quickly to send acid to the brain or something. She vowed never to forget the day she had to sit in front of a scary EEG man panting with her eyes closed, her mouth dry and the vision of a panting dog waiting to be fed glued to her eyelids, for three long minutes.

She knew she couldn't ask him about the results but she was dying to know if she was normal or not so she hung on to his every word trying to discern a fragment of a hint. This fragment popped up she decided when he asked her when her next appointment with Dr Jones would be. He was asking her when she would see him again. "When will you be seeing Dr Jones next?" he asked. This definitely meant he was asking her this because Dr Jones would indeed have something to talk to her about when he saw her next. Oh oh. She contemplated life as a person with abnormal brain-waves. Were there support groups? Did she feel special? Did this mean she was up there with the likes of Virginia Woolf and anyone else that was simultaneously famous and nuts and totally brilliant?

She detected nothing else after that and went home feeling freaked out and unsatisfied. The next day, a cryogenic feezing chamber awaited her brain for a cat-scan and she shuddered at the prospect. Then she came home and ate blue-cheese and broccoli soup. Is 'broccoli' an Italian word? she asked her herself. It would be days till she found out.  ¶ 17:54 0 Comments

  On the weekend I went to the observatory and checked out Saturn through a telescope. It was mad - you could see the rings and everything. I also looked at the moon close up and watched a 3D movie about how many millions of galaxies there are in space. Are we really alone? Insert eerie music here.

It's the ANZAC long weekend, you see. The next day we drove back up to Mum's to play monopoly when I decided to call it mono to the p-o-l-y. It wasn't funny. Then I went to a friend's house and watched Donnie Darko which was a great movie although I was left feeling owed an explanation or two. This movie puts the butterfly in Butterfly Effect.

Today we went to the museum of contemporary art and saw a few odd pieces here and there. I also decided that I would become a famous artist, turning simple ideas into artistic work of art realities whoo hoo. Then a lovely picnic in the botanical gardens and back home again to continue taking my boredom out on my lungs and having Bonnie my cat on my lap, or my back, or wherever she wishes to sleep. She's so gorgeous my cat.

I left my toothbrush at my sister's house so I don't think I'll be brushing my teeth for at least two weeks unless I decide to spend a few precious benefit dollars on a new one. Wait, let me do a smell-check: whoooooooh
OK, done. Hmmm. Toothbrushes are such a rip-off these days. Like, $5 for some special gum-massaging rubber bits.

Poetry Corner
This piece is called "Another Fag" by Gretel Bobskins

Whisper, murmur,
mutter or shout
I've got nothing
To write about

Scratch my head
And tie my shoe
What else around here
Is there to do?

Surf the net
Or read a mag
What the hell
Another fag.


Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed-bugs bite.

  ¶ 20:52 0 Comments

  The Strength of Conviction?

More on the subject of psychosis, check this out. Then go to the main page where you can read "Introducing the Mind Control Forums".

I get the feeling there's a fuzzy line between the power of personal beliefs and plain old madness. The mind can be a dangerous thing.

Madness is dangerous  ¶ 17:13 0 Comments

  More on the subject of having nothing to write about anymore, I'm going to start another of my best-selling novels on my blog again. This one is going to be a feel-good family saga epic thing.

Chapter One

Mum walked into the kitchen and told me to clean that room of mine. Lately I had started singing in response to her nagging. It diverted an argument and sometimes made her laugh. I had really hit the jackpot when I thought of this method of getting her to shut up and possibly leave me alone unless she was saying something that wasn't of the Nagging variety.

What are you going to do for the next three months, Lizzy? She asked. Do you still write on that website of yours? Why, mam, yes I do. These days I write about how I have nothing to write about. How post-modern of me.

She watched the only thing that was on TV, a vet show called Harry's Practise. She looked at the TV as if trying to figure out a cross-word clue, leaned back, and contented herself with some cute pets. Can you in fact imagine what my mother looks like when I ask her to help me with a cross-word clue? If not, don't get your knickers in a knot, and don't lose your concentration like I do everytime I read something I can't relate to. It's just that that's how she looked as she watched.

Look Lizzy, look! As I looked up I presumed there was a cat on the TV that looked kind of slightly half a bit like Fluffy, the cat that ran away when we moved to Gosford eight years ago. It didn't look a thing like him, as usual.

Then Yassy rang on the new phone Dick had installed because the 7, 8, and 9 on the old one were fading. He is obsessive with home alterations and improvements, alot like Michael Jackson and the lump of white clay that seems to have replaced his face about 20 years ago. Back to the phone call. I lay on the couch as I listened to Mum tell her off for giving away her bank details and signing some form to sponsor a child in Sri Lanka. Then I got on the phone and told her not to worry, the chances are she hasn't been conned. Go Yassy. Yassy was born in Sri Lanka and adopted when she was one.

Stay Tuned For the Next Installment of a Useless Sandwich Maker in the Kitchen  ¶ 18:16 0 Comments

  I'm coming back to Taiwan!!!*

A friend of mine recently suffered a psychotic episode so I thought I'd do a little cut-and-paste research courtesy of Wikipedia:

Psychosis is a psychiatric classification for a mental state in which the perception of reality is distorted. Persons experiencing a psychotic episode may experience hallucinations (often auditory or visual hallucinations), hold paranoid or delusional beliefs, experience personality changes and exhibit disorganized thinking (see thought disorder). This is sometimes accompanied by features such as a lack of insight into the unusual or bizarre nature of their behavior, difficulties with social interaction and impairments in carrying out the activities of daily living.

Overview
Psychosis is usually considered by mainstream psychiatry to be a symptom of severe mental illness. Although it is not exclusively linked to any particular psychological or physical state, it is particularly associated with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder (manic depression) and severe clinical depression.

It is not uncommon in cases of brain injury and may occur after drug use, particularly after drug overdose or chronic use, although certain compounds may be more likely to induce psychosis, and some individuals may show greater sensitivity than others. The direct effects of hallucinogenic drugs are not usually classified as psychosis, as long as they abate when the drug is metabolised from the body.

Chronic psychological stress is also known to cause psychotic states, however the exact mechanism is uncertain. Psychosis triggered by stress in the absence of any other mental illness is known as brief reactive psychosis.

Psychosis is a descriptive term for a complex group of behaviours and experiences and as such is not a medical explanation in itself. Perhaps because of this, it is often confused with syndromes which may seem similar on the surface, or with words which may suggest, or seem to suggest a likeness.

The term psychosis should be distinguished from the concept of insanity, which is a legal term denoting that a person should not be criminally responsible for his actions. Similarly, it should be distinguished from psychopathy, a personality disorder often associated with violence, lack of empathy and socially manipulative behaviour. Despite the fact that both are colloquially abbreviated to 'psycho', psychosis bears little similarity to psychopathy's core features, particularly with regard to violence, which rarely occurs in psychosis, and the distortion of perceived reality, which rarely occurs in psychopathy.

It should also be distinguished from the state of delirium, in that a psychotic individual may be able to perform actions that require a high level of intellectual effort in clear consciousness. Finally, it should be distinguished from mental illness. Psychosis may be regarded as a symptom of other mental illnesses, but as a descriptive concept it is not considered an illness in its own right. For example, persons with schizophrenia can have long periods without psychosis and persons with bipolar disorder and depression can have mood symptoms without psychosis. Conversely, psychosis can occur in persons without chronic mental illness as a result of an adverse drug reaction or extreme stress.

Psychosis has been of particular interest to critics of mainstream psychiatric practice who argue that it may simply be another way of constructing reality and is not necessarily a sign of illness. For example, R. D. Laing has argued that psychosis is a symbolic way of expressing concerns in situations where such views may be unwelcome or uncomfortable to the recipients. Thomas Szasz has focused on the social implications of labelling people as psychotic, a label which he argues unjustly medicalises different views of reality so such unorthodox people can be controlled by society.

Etymology: The word psychosis was first used by Ernst von Feuchtersleben in 1845 as an alternative to insanity and mania and stems from the Greek psykhe (mind) and osis (diseased or abnormal condition). The word was used to distinguish disorders which were thought to be disorders of the mind, as opposed to neurosis, which was thought to stem from a disorder of the nerves.

Psychotic experience
A psychotic episode can be significantly coloured by mood. For example, people experiencing a psychotic episode in the context of depression may experience persecutory or self-blaming delusions or hallucinations, whilst people experiencing a psychotic episode in the context of mania may form grandiose delusions or have an experience of deep religious significance.

Although usually distressing and regarded as an illness process, some people who experience psychosis find beneficial aspects and value the experience or revelations that stem from it.

Hallucinations
Hallucinations are defined as sensory perception in the absence of external stimuli. Psychotic hallucinations may occur in any of the five senses and take on almost any form, which may include simple sensations (such as lights, colours, tastes, smells) to more meaningful experiences such as seeing and interacting with fully formed animals and people, hearing voices and complex tactile sensations.

Auditory hallucinations, particularly the experience of hearing voices, is a common and often prominent feature of psychosis. Hallucinated voices may talk about, or to the person, and may involve several speakers with distinct personas. Auditory hallucinations tend to be particularly distressing when they are derogatory, commanding or preoccupying.


Delusions and paranoia
Psychosis may involve delusional or paranoid beliefs. Karl Jaspers classified psychotic delusions into primary and secondary types. Primary delusions are defined as arising out-of-the-blue and not being comprehensible in terms of normal mental processes, whereas secondary delusions may be understood as being influenced by the person's background or current situation.

Thought disorder
Thought disorder describes an underlying disturbance to conscious thought and is classified largely by its effects on speech and writing. Affected persons may show pressure of speech (speaking incessantly and quickly), derailment or flight of ideas (switching topic mid-sentence or inappropriately), thought blocking, rhyming or punning.

Lack of insight
One important and puzzling feature of psychosis is usually an accompanying lack of insight into the unusual, strange or bizarre nature of the person's experience or behaviour. Even in the case of an acute psychosis, the sufferer may seem completely unaware that their vivid hallucinations and impossible delusions are in any way unrealistic. This is not an absolute, however; insight can vary between individuals and throughout the duration of the psychotic episode.

In some cases, particularly with auditory and visual hallucinations, the patient has good insight and this makes the psychotic experience even more terrifying in that the patient realizes that he should not be hearing voices, but does.

****************






In first year psych we were taught about the philosophical implications of psychology - how hard it is to even call psychology a science as you can't really see and touch psychological phenomena and also, to be objective. But what psychiatrists do (duh etc.) is seperate common symtoms from individual differences to make a diagnosis and it works, which basically means that no matter how philosophical you want to get about the inconcrete bases of the science of psychology, you can still find the common features of different psychological problems just by listening to them or observing them through behaviour. Captain Duh has spoken.

She said that suffering a mental illness was like suffering any other illness, it was pretty much not her fault that it happened to her although there is always a stigma attached to mental illness which I think is because of the fact that mental illness, more so than a physical one, is likely to affect your personality and the way you relate to people for short or long periods of time.

She is on anti-psychotic medication for the next few months and has to get a brain scan and get little electrodes stuck to her head to measure her brain waves and a blood test. This kind of thing really opens your eyes eh.


*one day  ¶ 14:05 0 Comments

  ...but how can the broken branch bear fruit, how can the leaf torn away by the winds and dragged through the dust grow green again? and why, so young, such bitterness? What do I know? It was perhaps my destiny to live like this, weary before having borne any burden, out of breath before having run...

(Gustave Flaubert)

There was bamboo as I stepped off the bus this afternoon. In Epping there used to be bamboo all along the fence we shared with the neighbours mum didn't talk to. She didn't like them because they did nothing to get rid of all the bamboo along the fence. Mel and I used to play with it. We used to strip off the outer leaves and observe how it was made of sections on the inside. I went out there to play with it on my own one day. Mum came out into the backyard and tore me away from it and into the bathroom where she washed my hands and scolded me for playing with it. She had poisoned it that morning. How was I to know? I asked. She was angry. Fifteen years later I kind of understand now though.

I crossed the road and the front lawn of the ambulance station. In the country a male friend of my sister's seemed to be extra-friendly to me for some reason. He was an ambo. He came and sat right next to me several times, which made me uncomfortable as he was married and I didn't want to get the blame, being the female party, which I had experienced before. But I wanted to ask him about being an ambo. I didn't come straight out and ask him if he saw anything gruesome sometimes but he seemed to have a prepared speech about his work so I sat and nodded as I listened. He said it was a great job, not many accidents, alot of transfering of patients from one hospital to the other.

This site still gets 2 hits a day and I hardly write on it anymore! Must write more again. But it's not about Taiwan, what to do? It'll have to be about the pursual of my G.C.I.A. and complaints about future uni assignments etc.  ¶ 16:52 0 Comments

  Hello there it's a beautiful Thursday morning here in Point Clare. I had an awful case of missing Taiwan the other night, I totally yearned to be back in Taichung gulping down the latest expat literature and hopping on my scooter for trivia night at Chubby's or something like that and buzzing around from one student to the next and getting paid!!!Mmmm getting paid. I'm on the Dole now, I got sick around enrolment time for uni and missed out until July, so now I have three months of nothing to do until I get stuck back into Chinese. As for my glamorous career in acting, following my thrilling interpretive dance stage debut in Taichung, Taiwan, I'm going to a reading of a play called Blood Brothers. The director, who has an English accent, lent me a copy of the script and to my great horror, it opens in song. Only in Taiwan might I pretend to be able to do something that I in truth cannot do. I'll go anyway only because it was one of my new year's resolutions to not chicken out when it comes to pursuing my G.C.I.A. In other news, Claire is coming down under in July, cool!  ¶ 10:32 0 Comments

  I'm at my sister's house in the country at the moment. Yesterday her son had a birthday party on their friend's farm where I learnt how to ride a motorcross bike. They all happen to be manual so I haf to learn that too. It was mad. The day before that, we went to a nearby town for coffee but not before stopping by the taxidermist's boutique. There were furs and coats etc but the main points of interest were the works of art she had created by playing around with people's pets. There were two cain toads with purple birds' wings attached to their backs, an evil-looking cat standing up wearing a real fur coat (this was titled "Dressed to Kill") and three foxes' heads attached to some padded bits of material sitting on a chair together, also looking quite evil. The lady said it can be quite confronting for some people and I think she chose the right word for it. She also went on to say that taxidermy is no more gruesome than chopping up a steak. I liked her because she knew all the right things to say to people like me who come in and go 'that's disgusting' as soon as they see what she has done to people's old pets. What I didn't realise was that she does in fact have a market for taxidermy, it's mainly the deer and such that people want to put on their walls, but before that, I thought people just wanted to see their pets made into strange pieces of art. The coffee we had after was good.
I love being in the country, it is so relaxing. And we're not talking ride-paddy country, we're talking rolling green hills and long roads with country-town community spirit where you know everyone in town practically. Sigh!  ¶ 09:34 0 Comments