Hi I'm at Kate's. Just went to Vinnie's. Found a few shirts for work but all the coats were gone.
Kate wants me to blog so she has something interesting to read.
So, I think it's time for some creative writing again!!! Absurdist-style. No wait I need to be inspired for that.
OK anyway.

There once was a princess named Katherine but everyone called her Kate for short. She knew she had a little sister somewhere in the world and yearned to finally meet her.

"Where for art thou younger sister?" she pined.

Meanwhile, Younger Sister was getting a swab taken from the inside of her mouth for a DNA test, to prove that the King of Accounting Land was really her father. Her mother, the number one concubine of all the land, was in the southern hills of France-land eating chocolate croissants and practising her French.

"Why dost thou ask me for golden coins?" roared the Kind of Accounting Land.

His loyal servant Margethe replied "What is your mood today? Who dost is thou on your list of favourite daughters this merry day?"

Younger Sister arrived at the palace to pay homage to her father and also ask if he could fund a trip to Korea.

"You must write a 1000-page report arguing the pros and cons of opening mine Go-Lo wallet for the benefit of thou."

"Perhaps I shallst change my name?" replied Younger Sister.

"Then thou shallst be privy to all of mine riches and appointed Number One Daughter of All the Land."

Ok this is getting boring now.

Out.  ¶ 12:34 0 Comments

  Rose-cin went to Poland today so I am quite sad. Maddox St is going to be a quiet place without them!!!

Going to Tumut tomorrow, haven't been down since Australia day! Whoa.

Out.

P.s. Trouble in paradise :-(  ¶ 22:36 1 Comments

  What a week. I stayed up till midnight or 1am most nights and was buggered by Friday, when I fell into Kuba's arms.  ¶ 22:35 0 Comments

  A glimpse into the world of personals on gumtree.com.au:

Hi there,I'm an English guy, and I've just arrived in Sydney, where I want to stay for a few of years. I'm looking for like minded people, to meet up with, talk about kink, and generally have some sexy fun.As for me, I'm a switch, but prefer to dominate girls, and I'm into all kinds of kink, and love rope tying especially! Check out shibari.info on the internet to give you an idea of what I like to do. I am also into domination, roleplaying, and anything else you might like to explore. It does NOT have to include kink - Friendship or vanilla fun is fine.How does that sound? Hope it didn't shock you! Besides, its always important to build up trust and know each others boundaries first. That's the most important thing!Outside the bedroom, I am a kind, honest, genuine and very friendly guy who loves a laugh.Get in touch and we can discuss your fantasies...............

Or this:

Hi girls,I have just imported a new female sex toy that retails over $2,000.This is the only one in Australia and now I need to find someone to ride it so I can decide whether to proceed with the importing business cause its going to cost me a lot of money to do it.I will pay for your time ($100 per hour) to do this for me. I could get a "professional" girl but that's not what I'm after. I want the average girl to give me the feedback.I can tell you it will be the most orgasmic time of your life as they toys giving instant orgasms from clitoral and G spot stimulation.To see some video of it in action, visit http://www.turboplanner.com/images/syb/and click on the movie links at the bottom.  ¶ 23:06 0 Comments

  Some people are very private about which jobs they are applying for, the likely reason being that the less people that know about it, the less competition. I am different - I help out the economy by letting the best man win, ensuring the full use of his skills. (Or her whatever.) (What bullshit).
Anyway, I confess, there is one thing I won't tip anyone off about - the two competitions to win awesome holidays I just entered by surfing through tour company websites sourced from the newspaper!!!
Not telling. Nup. Fuck off.
They were 'answer in 25 words or less' questions, and my answers weren't very creative, but I heard they have to include some form of competition by law so that it not simply just a lottery.
Hmmm, who will I take on my tour in _________ or my cruise in _________ ???

Interesting note: the Chinese words for 'private' and 'selfish' share a character! This is why I love Chinese.   ¶ 19:41 0 Comments

  We finally had our shower retiled. Can't use it til Thursday. Same showerhead, a new one would have been nice!
That is all.  ¶ 18:05 0 Comments

  Contemplating the Belly-Button

Look down at your belly-button. It is a natural imperfection of the human body. It is a scar that reminds us of our origins, that we were once physically connected to another human being, our mothers. Aliens and robots do not have belly buttons, and I don’t think they ever will. Aliens might have belly buttons but only if they have umbilical cords that were chopped off at birth in the same way that ours are.

For a long time I had a belly-button that protruded out from the surface of my belly. I was a skinny child therefore there was no extra fat to squish over the lowest point of my belly button making it appear to be what is commonly known as an ‘outy’. Now that I am larger, my belly button is inwards-inclined. I was proud of my belly-button that stuck out and regretfully admit I am now like most other people.

I may have had an ‘outy’ because the doctor did not chop the cord close enough to the skin. Then I would conclude that over the years it decided to head inwards of it’s own accord. I am not certain, but who is to be?

The colour of belly button ‘fluff’ depends on the colour of clothing worn just before its discovery. The colour of most people’s ‘fluff’ has over the past been blue. This has been confirmed by Kate Boyd of Tumut, NSW.

Scientists can only speculate what the dominant colour aliens’ belly button ‘fluff’ would be (if aliens had belly buttons). A special team headed by Lee Ping Lizwads of Princeton Universty has been established in cooperation with NASA to develop the appropriate exploration program.

When asked about aliens’ belly button ‘fluff’ research versus third-world hunger, Lee Ping Lizwads has been reported to say “Most Sudanese children have outies [sic] anyway, so what would they care about belly button fluff?”

The controversy surrounding Lizwads and her team of ‘fluff-scapaders’ has been growing since the first thesis on belly buttons was published in March 1994. It continues to grow as Lizwads prepares to be honoured with an honorary Advanced Certificate III in Fine Arts from TAFE NSW.  ¶ 11:00 0 Comments

  MORE Back to the Future/Past/You know

Friday, 31 December 2004


New Year's Resolutions
I'm going back to uni.
1. Turn up when the drama society has auditions instead of writing it in my diary and fully intending to go but deciding to go and get hot chips instead!
2. Spend more money on clothes, and stop talking myself out of buying something because of how ridiculous it is to pay $100 for something that was probably made in a sweatshop in Abbakaddaba anyway!
3. Enjoy writing essays and not freaking out and taking the stance that according to the laws of post-modernism the essay can not be written anway!
4. Get some funky marks and go yeah, I got some funky marks, yeah baby
5. Accept the fact that the world is not prepared to handle my honest and straightforward ways and that in order to survive I'm going to have to be just like the rest of them! Oh no!
6. Find a man and fall more in love than I ever did with anyone else!
7. Find a million language exchange partners (yesssss, it's time to exact my revenge) so I don't forget more than say, 85.6% of my Chinese
8. Go and make lots of money teaching English privately and never make anyone coffee for ten bucks an hour again!
9. Run for union board but do a joke-campaign with radical left-wing policies such as
-no private school kids allowed to run the union or be involved with it in any way
-no private school kids allowed to study law
-no private school kids allowed to step on the lawns -losers with poor social skills but good hearts UNITE! You are everywhere!
-launch the "One Hundred Prestige Cars" campaign with view of purging the private school kids and sending them into the poorest comprehensive co-ed schools like Henry Kendall so that they can "Learn from the disadvantageds!"

Musings on English Teaching:

Ken was great today, he said things to me in English on his own iniative and I felt like he had learnt something. Usually he kind of just grunts and (really) bangs his head against the table when he's not reciting the dialogues and I always have the feeling that these expensive lessons are in vain. They've got to have helped in some way! Today he started doing the snot thing again where I had to sit there for five minutes waiting for him to finish blowing his nose. So after he started talking again I started breathing in very loudly through one nostril and making gross noises with my nose too and then he got the message.  ¶ 12:58 0 Comments

  BACK TO THE FUTURE (OR PAST, WHATEVER)
This is pretty much the only interesting post i wrote while in China, having grand (trust me, they were much much grander at the time) adventures with Dan the Secret Agent Man.

30.1.05 Hello I'm in Turpan at the moment, near where else but Urumuqi...! From Beijing I went to Xi'an and saw the terraotta warriors and cycled around the mosque area which was mad, we had the best food i had had in ages although the air was so filthy you could taste it and i reckon if you were hungry enough you could just open your mouth and eat it too. Then we got train tickets to Urumuqi and got off at Dunhuang. We went fluttering over sanddunes and climbed one so big its counted as a mountain, and lit firecrackers at the top. The next day which i think was yesterday we went to see the mo gao caves whci hare apparently like the cistine chapel of central asia. Then we got back on the train and upgraded from hardseat to hard sleeper, i've gotta say, hard seat is frickin inhumane. oh that's right in dunhuang my hair froze outside. like, before i went to germany people said that it would be so cold your hair would freeze if you didn't dry it before going outside but it never did but here i reached up and freaked out thinking some twigs had got caught in my hair and then i realised that it was my hair and it was really freaky. today Leuitenant Dan the blue-eyed Aussie babe got an ear infection so we spent the arvo at the hospital where there were cigarette butts lying around on the floor and people were smoking in the consultation room. they needed a chinese name so we gave him long dragon which seemed so much funnier at the time. we actually arrived in urumuqi before getting the bus to turpan, thank god because it was minus 25 there and i could feel my fingers freezing on the inside and i thought they would snap off. clambering over the sanddunes was mad, one side was icy and the other was soft and warm, and walking along the edges was easy because of the ice there and i got to pretend i was lawrence of arabia minus the robes and the penis. man we were exhausted but at the abandoned tourist complex at the bottom this old lady made us some mad tea with lots of stuff in it and sat on her bed and watched and waited to refill our cups, then charged us 10 kuai for the experience which was steep but it was worth it. tomorrow we're catching a sleeper bus to kashgar and dude i totally can't wait, we're going to spend like a week there. i reckon after kashgar it's off through sichuan and yunnan and i moved my flight back yet again to march 6, i didn't mean it to be that late, i asked for the 4th or the 5th but he gave me the 6th so fair enough i'll be back the day before uni starts ready to pay some nice juicy late fees, speaking of nice and juicy, it's kebab city here and the food is awesome and i am hungry again. mmmmmm. i didn't get into media and comm, no surprises there, but i even missed out on 'international studies' which had a cut-off of 92, so my marks haven't even raised my uai by 3 points. dude.

poetry time

china china you're so big
is that a twig
in my hair
what a scare
it's not a twig
it's in fact my hair

Ah yes, the poetry. I miss the poetry.
I had totally forgotten about all the trips to doctors for Dan's ear infection. Man he used me like no amateur translator has been used before. And about how we called him 'Chang Long' or Long Dragon and thought it was hilarious. Like I said, blogging was much more fun three years ago.   ¶ 12:45 0 Comments

  Some of my fondest memories of Granny were the days she took us on trips to the Eastwood shops when we were very little. Taking the shortcut from her unit to the train station was one of the highlights – the mysterious winding path way surrounded by trees that led to the library, then behind a large building along a walkway where I rarely saw anyone else walking. The exciting day would already be well underway by the time we arrived at the station just ten minutes later. Once on the train, the game of the day was Eye Spy. The letters we picked were always for things inside the train – S for seats, P for person, L for lights.
The four of us, Karina, Yasmin, Melanie and I had some great sleepovers at Granny’s. Tumbling around on the floor in our dresses, she would warn us to be careful not to show our ‘jungie bungies’, a phrase which would fill the room with giggles and laughter at this wonderful new word for ‘nickers’.
I liked it when she invited me to read to her. She thought I didn’t pause long enough at full-stops, and I remember insisting that my pauses were ‘just fine’, and would continue on from where I left off. I think Little Red Riding Hood sounded more like the first page of a Virginia Woolf novel, but I hope she found it entertaining nevertheless.
Granny was the kind of lady I would aspire to be: graceful, and elegant. Granny liked to say she was very proud of us; I like to think that more importantly, Granny has inspired us to be proud of ourselves.
Thank you Granny, you will be in our hearts and memories always.  ¶ 23:50 0 Comments

  I got the job. In the second interview the girls I will be working for emphasised that I would be just a PA and just a junior. Just, just, just. Ah well. Sick days, public holidays, all paid for. I'm moving up in the world.

Kuba brushed me off two nights in a row - I told him if he wants to see me, he can give me a call. It's time to build a bridge and get over it, girlfriend.  ¶ 23:48 0 Comments

  Vanja helped me tweeze out a fifty from the IGSMF. A slippery slope, I'm afraid. The Slope is back! In tends to happen around this time of year for some reason. This time last year I was about to start my first temping job (a year's experience which has ultimately paid off however nightmarish it was unloading the dishwasher for an office full of male engineers and Office Managers from Hell.) I was spending the last of the riches I brought back with me from Taiwan, quitting Coles prematurely, and dragging my feet around the Freedom sales floor for $16/hour every weekend. Experiences like that are supposed to be character building; what of the 21-year-old business grads who go straight from uni into a job with PwC? Do they ever learn what it's like to feel like such a loser?
The second interview is tomorrow. I'm confident about getting the job... now I just have to deal with scary thoughts like what if I broke my leg and couldn't start and similar.
Speaking of tweezing, I think I'll go wax my mo now.  ¶ 20:24 0 Comments

  Inside knowledge for job seekers #103

In interviews, you may be asked "Have you ever had difficulty communicating with your manager?"
After the interview on Friday when I bumped into Shani and relayed it to her, she said the answer is always NO.
So I was a bit lost for words when I was asked that. I looked around the room obviously looking for some interesting life-changing learning experience that I could pull out of my arse. So I said:
-Well, I have an intray. I love my intray. [Laughter]. I like work to be put in my intray. My manager was putting things straight onto my desk. So I asked him to put work into my intray.
-And did he do it after that?
-Yes, he did.

It was clear enough that it was a tale.

As soon as I paused to think of it, she wrote "No" in her secret notes, which I couldn't help peering at every other second. But she took the time to listen to the answer I didn't need to give.

Anyway she said I aswered all the questions well. Then we got to the interesting questions I had been hoping for regarding my passion for China, where I've been, and my favourite travel story. This was hard because I'm not a story teller. I told her a plot-less story about going to Tuona; I should have given her the fragrant meat in Bejing in my pyjamas story. That could have been slightly more amusing. Ah well, I told her my passion for China came from the Friday nights I would come home from Monti's and switch on SBS to find Chinese ghost stories etc - and that is when it happened. In fact, I was born to have that interview. I hope I get this job, because me and Travel Indochina seem so far to be a perfect match.  ¶ 09:59 0 Comments

  An interview. With an Asia tour company. An ad I accidentally found. There must be a catch, as there usually is. But I think I would be willing to work for peanuts for a company that I liked.
So if I get it, I think I'll take it.
Glorious.  ¶ 17:54 0 Comments

  OK so I kind of lost it when I found that I didn't get paid this morning. Two emails, no apologies for the inconvenience, and then, well, let's just say that I have a flair for rude, bitchy emails:

Dear Max,
A couple of thoughts regarding the delay in my pay:
1. I am not a Customer, therefore, why should email regarding my pay be addressed to Customer Service? Who are your actual customers, and what are you selling to them?
2. Would it do too much harm to apologise for the delay with my pay,and explain where the mistake was made, and that it won't happen again? Or is this such a common occurrence that noone in your office cares enough anymore to respond properly?
Liz

Daydreaming at my desk, I imagined my email getting passed around the office, for everyone to see, so that they could marvel at my skill.

Postscript. He called me to apologise after that. If that's what it takes!  ¶ 18:20 0 Comments

  Shani handed in her thesis yesterday so Vanja and I went to her housesitting house and had pizza etc. It was the day before pay day for me, and I had three bucks in my wallet, so I tried tweezering out some cash from the IGSMF but to no avail. We watched a bit of pay tv. There was a show called My Bare Lady where porn stars auditioned to be in a serious stage play. Then this morning I had a dream that I was an Indian woman and all the Indian/Asian/third-world men around me were humiliating me as I took off my sari and had just a huge set of underwear on. Vanja found a really good quote: When a man stands up to speak everyone listens, if a woman stands up and looks good, then everyone listens.  ¶ 07:27 0 Comments

 
  ¶ 07:58 0 Comments

  Funny things happen when you're stuck at home on a Saturday with nothing but a computer and the newspaper for entertainment.
Yes, that's right, I've started writing cold call cover letters to travel and cruising companies that have ads in the travel section of the newspaper. I'm finally getting around to it. Whoo hoo.  ¶ 17:12 0 Comments

 





  ¶ 12:55 0 Comments