Oh my god it's so amazing!

Hey dudes, it's Friday, just had last Chinese test although have a take-home to do aswell. All us Chinese buddies are going to stay in touch with yum-cha special events and movie days etc. I've learnt alot over the past few months, mostly about people, politics, power, etc. Alot. Time to move on, face the world armed with a readiness I was not expecting.

Getting a degree is a lifestyle choice, people don't really need degrees unless they want to pursue the joy of Knowledge. Does a degree really make you more educated than the rest or is it just an arbitrary reason for giving someone preference over someone without a degree. Hmmm. I don't feel any different after these four years of study.

So what is happening to celebrate the end. Drinks, parties, trips, job-hunting. Get ready world, here I come!!!! (Trying to deny the anti-climax I try to create one myself) Haha. Ha. Oh shit. Nooooooo!  ¶ 11:43 0 Comments

  Dude it's hot today. It's my last ever Tuesday at uni. That's nice. My third-year chinese teacher gave me 83, top mark, for the group presentation. I read from notes, and generally our presentation wasn't as good as everyone else's. Something strange is going on, dude. Holy shit, man. Tomorrow is the massive business chinese exam. Was going to go to the beach but am not anymore. Last night I saw a really good play in King's Cross. Also I saw a Russian movie called Night Watch on Sunday. The previews made it look like a dead-scary horror flick but in fact it was a sci-fi fantasy with not much to be scared about. I also watched Seed of Chucky with my sister, with Jennifer Tilly starring as herself. Yeah. I'm hot and tired so BYE.  ¶ 13:02 0 Comments

  It's my Last Monday of Uni Ever. I was enchanted to meet today a friend from Classical who is also finishing off an equally useless Bachelor of Arts degree. Her major is Anthropology. Ha! I said I'd end up an Assistant Manager at Dominoes, save up and travel, and she said her plan was exactly the same. See, I'm no different from anyone else! We also discussed how we never thought we would end up as typical arts graduates with nothing waiting for us at the end, and how tragically anti-climatical it has been to be finishing off. Lots of people from Chinese are heading to China though and I'll probably go there too.

On the careers front, Rose has finally decided to be an Academic. As for me, I'm going to travel, be a traveller, no a Traveller, and write a book. Rose says I should choose one goal and stick to it. She is right. So, writing a book it is. But I also think it will be OK if I design satirical cartoons on the side and start painting. Do you know what my real goal is? To accept that whatever I do, I'm probably only ever going to be mediocre at it like everyone else who has similar aspirations. I'm not the only supremely gifted and talented tool in the shed, you know.

I once again succeeded in subconsciously sabotaging the seeds of a potential relationship and have decided that deep down I don't really want a relationship because I'm afraid of being vulnerable. Thanks go to all the arseholes I've known who have led me to think this way. But I think that if someone comes my way who is so god damn special I will give it a go. Oh, why did I stuff up with that Princeton graduate?  ¶ 13:45 0 Comments

  You had me at "Dicks Fuck Arseholes"

I asked about doing Honours and I don't have the prerequisites. So dunno what I'm gonna do next year. Maybe enrol in some other degree and do the prereqs next year. But I wanted to do Honours next year! Fuck that. I've got the shits.

I had dinner at Pat's house in Strathfield yesterday. It was fun. We also watched a movie called Garden State with Natalie Portman in it. It was alright.

At the moment I'm reading a biography of Evita. It says she used sex to get what she wanted and to be honest what if it's all untrue? What if the real her was completely completely different, and imagine how it feels being the ghost of Eva Peron knowing that all these things were being said about you? Oh, the injustice. I bet she really liked Mr Peron and if she was really ambitious she would have ditched him as soon as he got arrested.

When I got home last night Marcus and George were watching Team America. That was good. Yeah. I'm still not talking to George. The other day Marcus and I discussed how we have never met any of George's friends. I actually stood up for him and said he's trying to meet people but Marcus reckons he's already been here long enough. Actually, George did ask me once if I thought he 'looked scary' because people out didn't talk to him. Like a big sister I explained to him that in Sydney you need your own pre-established posse and you don't go looking for new friends in pubs and bars etc. Otherwise you have to be a super-cool unique god-of-outgoingness who makes people want to suddenly line up to be your friend. As for the broad masses out there you have to start early and go where people have the same ideas as you. George also finally admitted that it was just for entertainment value that he declared he was the Devil and he wanted to cut me open and "eat my soul" but until he did I categorised him as just another morbid/slightly fucked-up German like Qili at the language centre in Taiwan. He explained that if you don't use something like that to catch people's attention, people won't talk to you. Sad. I feel bad for him because I know how snobby Sydney can be.

My Mum has officially become an old lady. She sold her car.


**************************************

Lizwa was having a shit day. She went up to a cave in the mountains and began a dialogue with the arch-angel Fabio.

"Arch-angel Fabio, who am I, what am I to do, why the f--- do I study Chinese, what the hell was Taiwan all about?" She cried.

"Dude," Fabio replied, "I'm getting my golden hair done right now, can it wait?"

"Oh sorry," she replied. "I'll wait."

Fabio after a short time indicated his hair was done.

"You've been getting Tawain-sick, haven't you? Reading all those Taiwan blogs, relating to all those little anecdotes about getting haircuts and eating Stinky Tofu."

"Yes, Fabio, yes! What does it all mean? Did it mean anything at all?"

"I may be able to help you with that, you sexy animal. The reason you went to Taiwan was to [CENSORED]. No really, from birth you have been destined to do crazy shit just for the hell of doing crazy shit. Above all, you just want attention."

"But, but, it can't be!" she cried.

"Yes, my child, I'm afraid 'tis so. Now that you've finished pulling your first stunt, 'tis time for the next," arch-angel Fabio continued.

"OK, just tell me what to do!"

"I want you to return to your village, and start a huge, huge mother of a monotheistic religion, that will spread into a massive empire not long after your death."

"Um, right. Anything else I can do instead?"

"Um, OK. Graduate your little useless arse out of there, go on the dole, and be an absolute failure who never fulfilled her potential in life."

"Um, OK. Thanks, arch-angel Fabio. Your hair looks great, by the way."

"I hope I was able to give you some answers to your tough, tough questions. Do not dismay, my child, for aswell as being destined to crave attention for the rest of your life, you were also destined to get the f--- over it."

And with that, the arch-angel Fabio flicked his hair back and disappeared into the clouds again like Mufassa in the Lion King.

Lizwa returned to her village and in this day and age, was prescribed anti-hallucinogenic medication. She tried to get onto TV, scored a spot on A Current Affair, and was ridiculed as a nutcase.

Later on that day she contemplated the degree of bitterness she was going to feel at age 50 when she would be overwhelmed with a feeling of discontentment and regret. What happened to her dreams? Would she even remember what they had been? What was life going to offer her? Or was it she who was to first offer something in return?  ¶ 12:12 0 Comments

  I got 83.33 for the written test about the Maoist period. Dude, that's nearly an HD!!!Wow man, that really inpsires me to put in a decent effort for my essay.
I'm also considering doing Honours now. Well hey, why not, you know? And you can keep taking language classes aswell. The thing is that I have successfully illustrated to several members of the dept. how much of an idiot I am and it would be terrible to get Dr B. as a supervisor because I think he's so lovely, and terrible to get Mr C. becasue he's so lovely too, or Dr H. because I'm such a dumbarse anyway.
Yesterday I played "Bingay" at the Imperial in Erskineville. It's Bingo with drag queens and numerous gay participants. Money raised goes to AIDS research. I was feeling lucky but alas no prize. And I was busting to go to the toilet.
Hey I'm looking on the wall in this computer lab and there's a sign put up by this uni media group that says GABBO!!! followed by the web address. The Simpsons unites us all, man.  ¶ 12:10 0 Comments

  It was an eventful weekend. I am officially seeing someone at the moment as of Sunday. He's a guy who went to the same school as me, but was in Year 9 when I was in Year 12!!!! He's very sweet, very Gosfordy, very small world.
On Friday I nearly did it with George but he ruined the mood by wanting to talk about whether it was a good idea or not etc. At the moment I'm not actually talking to him but that's because of something that happened on Sunday night. Shifting alliances at No. 338! The Frenchies are like don't worry we hate him too, do you want to come to this big party with us on Thursday etc. Apparently there's going to be the 'biggest party in the southern hemisphere' at UNSW.
Ella and I were like 3rd-graders at an annual school ANZAC ceremony at the symphony on Saturday. This pianist was playing this unmelodic crap, seemingly just banging her fists down over various sections of the keyboard, when Ella lent over and whispered to me that it sounded like something she used to play. This was particularly funny because I was thinking the exact same thing. We both learnt piano when we were little and never got anywhere with it.. and this was Opera-House-style classical music, handed down through the ages to entertain people of the most discerning tastes. So anyway, later in the show the pianist came back on, and this was a disaster for us, because as soon as I heard Ella stifle a laugh, and she then heard me stifle a laugh, we were absolutely out of control. I was trying all sorts of techniques to stop laughing, eg holding my nose with one hand and my mouth with the other, but every time I let myself breathe I'd just BURST. Then I'd try Buddhist meditation where I'd block everything out and think of nothing, tilting my head down and closing my eyes. But then I'd hear Ella quietly suppressing her laughter and it would start all over again. Or, I'd manage to block her out, but I'd hear the pianist again and remember how stupid it sounded, and laugh again. It was absolutely hilarious. It gets funnier. You know how in the cinema people tell you to shut up etc, well here, eventually after the most drawn-out period of forcefully controlled breathing followed by the biggest out-of-control explosion yet, a whole smattering of people in the audience broke out laughing aswell!!!We had single- no double-handedly instigated a rebellion of mass disrespect to: Stravinsky (or whatever), classical music, the Opera House, and the poor young lady who has most probably been playing the piano since the age of three, this performance being one of her greatest honours. After that performance we both heaved a sigh of relief. The lights over the audience turned on and I became paranoid that it was so they could catch us and throw us out. As they turned on, people leaned forward in their seats and looked in our direction to see who it had been. I freaked out, and quite ingeniously began to do the same, maintaining the straightest face ever known to man. "Who was that?" I said to Ella loudly enough.
Ahh, memories. It's good to know I have retained some of my youth.
We had our chinese presentation yesterday. Everyone else's was excellent so our was just average, and I had to check my script, but we managed to get a few laughs here and there.  ¶ 11:10 0 Comments

  We had our business chinese presentation this arvo, ours tied second funniest which was good. I also got together with my group for 3rd-year chinese and I already know it is going to suck, we are splitting the skit into three sections, one to write each, instead of writing it together. And frankly their ideas suck, MAN.
I saw The 40 Year Old Virgin yesterday. Dude, why didn't he just go to a prostitute? It had its funny bits but it wasn't excellent.  ¶ 14:28 0 Comments

  Today I am meeting my sister Mel for lunch in Glebe.
I love where I live right now. I have fallen in love with not one but two of my housemates, George and Marcus, but am afraid to sleep with them because then I would be a slut. George, the friendly German, is just oozing with surprises. And Marcus is older and experienced. LOL. Yesterday arvo I came home and flopped onto the couch with a coffee from the cafe next door and George came home, sat on the bean bag, and started talking dirty. I was writhing in agony. I don't know if I should write that because my Mum reads this. Oh well. By the way Mum thanks for the $50, you're the best. Either way, living in that house has been absolutely marvellous. Also, Savage Sam has been concilatory, and I've pretended to be conciliatory back. He is a loser anyway. I watched on SBS last night this cartoon called "Drawn Together." The princess character sang a song about bullies which was quite astute: "Bullies only hate themselves, abused at six, molested at twelve." I wonder what happened to Sam. Maybe he got teased at school for having a monobrow.
Also, I have decided to make a career out of writing erotic fiction. It's not exactly something I will be able to boast about at Christmas at the Catholic relatives' house which is sad because it would be nice to show the rest of my relatives most of which are distinguished in some way that I also make the cut. And by the way, I'm illegitimate. Judo CHOP!  ¶ 11:10 0 Comments

  Kiss of the Tasmanian Tiger

Yawn. It is Saturday. Did you know that? My Bi Lo milk expired yesterday. And I have decided to be a Federal Cop, so I can fight evil people who force women and children into prostitution and then write the script for an excellent action movie. Last night I watched half of La Dolce Vita at Rose's and literally lost the plot because it was in black and white, in Italian with subtitles, and too sophisticated for Jet Li-loving people like me. The application to become a federal cop is heaps easier than the one to be a spy. None of those silly questions about your ability to charm people etc. You just have to write a 200 word summary of your life. Come inside, it's Playschool. So, here's the plan:

Phase One: Go back to Asia and master Chinese, and learn kung fu!!!!
Phase Two: Get some kind of job that is relevant to being a Fed
Phase Three: Come back and become a Fed
Phase Four: Note down some excellent storylines and action sequences and prepare to write novel/screenplay
Phase Five: Write novel/screenplay, become the new John Grisham
Phase Six: retire peacefully knowing that I fulfilled all my life's ambitions

Now is that a plan or what?

Tonight I might start writing my Mao essay. I had a good week last week by the way. I got 26/30 for the last classical test, I studied really hard for the literature test and no doubt triumphed (listen to me, isn't it sickening), and there was something else I triumphed in aswell. Oh shit I feel sick I'm going home now.
  ¶ 15:41 0 Comments

  Aaah breathe out, the literature test is over. All that cramming and memorisation of useless characters worked, because i didn't have to waste time looking up my dictionary, which was allowed. I only checked it coz I forgot how to write 'marriage'. I wrote as fast as my little legs could carry me but I still couldn't give a full answer to every question. The next literature test is a take-home one. That will be a hoot.

We got our business chinese presentation started today. It is going to be a grandma and her granddaughter discussing Chinese economics. The grandma hates foreigners and wants to keep China isolated while the little girl craps on about how excellent it's been for the economy. My partner is fasting for Ramadan. Dude, it goes for a whole month! She can only eat when it's dark so she says it really sucks when Ramadan falls during summer when the days are longer.

OK bye I'm going home now.  ¶ 17:20 0 Comments

  Well it's wednesday afternoon, just had two hours of business chinese and I should be rushing home to study for tomorrow's chinese literature component test but alas, I am not.

I am still feeling exhausted from the weekend, it's as though sleep isn't enough man. I also feel like throwing up everytime I eat something. Maybe it was something in the --------.

It also turns out the presentations for business chinese are next wednesday so my partner and I suddenly made plans to get it prepared for then. Shit man, I had totally forgotten it was so soon. At the moment all I wish to do is sleep through the rest of the semester.

Hmmm I sense a couple of hours of inane surfing coming up. Oh did I already report that I got fired before the cafe I worked at even closed? What happened was, they said it was going to close at the end of October. After that, they would try to give jobs to some people but people that only did one shift a week wouldn't get a job. Then, they suddenly decided that people who only did one shift had to leave now, which meant me aswell as this other guy. So I am officially down $140 a week. Seriously considered prostitution the other day. Wouldn't THAT make my blog all the more interesting! Today you wouldn't guess who I fucked. The prime minister! Wow man. He is so ugly man, and a terrible root. I charged him double. We did all kinds of positions and he told me about what it feels like to be leader of the country. But hey, that's the life of a prostitute, man.   ¶ 15:06 0 Comments

  Kiss of the Dragon is the best fucking movie ever!

It's Tuesday, first day back at uni. This morning I slept through 10:00 Chinese. Then I waited for Sam to bring down the rest of his rent as it is my turn to take in the rent, and discovered he wasn't even home. Sorry boys, but until Sam hands over that $8, nobody is paying any rent today.

I'm in a computer lab at the moment. People don't have computers at home so they have to do all their assignments at uni. Just before there was a guy with a load of books on the desk. I felt so sorry for him. I only plan to use two books for my Mao essay, but don't tell the teacher that. I'll make up a long bibliography though.

Well let me tell you about my fabulous weekend at home with the boys. On Saturday I went shopping with Granny, had fish and chips with Rose, then saw Little Fish with Cate Blanchette. Yes that's right, I went and saw it with Cate Blanchette herself. So I arrived home with the intention of going to Kings Cross with George (he's my pimp) (just kidding) and out comes Marcus with a whole lot of --------, -----------, and lots and lots of ----------------. George and I also had two bottles of red wine. So we ditched the Kings Cross idea and settled in for a fantastic night at home.

And so anyway we ended up staying up till 7am. We watched Kiss of the Dragon, which I became obsessed with because of a)Jet Li and his ultra-incorruptability b) the psycho French currupt cop who is the devil and c) the plight of the chick in it. So I basically fell in love with it and we ended up watching it again just for me. We also played shithead which is always good hilarious fun, I couldn't stop laughing, absolutely everything anyone said was absolutely fucking hilarious. Last night, two days later, I was still giggling myself to sleep.

George and I went to the beach yesterday and met Ella there. George is very funny and we have been flirting like there's no tomorrow. Ah, the joy of living with guys. He wants to move to Coogee though so that's going to suck.  ¶ 12:37 0 Comments