When is the last time I:

��奸aughed out loud at something you read on the Internet?
can not remember finding anything that funny, probably a long time ago

��存aid ���I love you��� to someone?
to my Mum the weekend before last

��存ang along with a song?
last night listening to Love Song Dedications

��如aid someone a compliment?
Last Friday, this girl in my class had a nice scarf

��字eceived a compliment?
Never. Everyone thinks I'm crap and undeserving of compliments.

��存aw a movie that was really moving?
Beaches, again, in hospital.

��字ead a poem?
A few weeks ago I read the poem I wrote about sleazy Indians.

��妃ade someone laugh?
Yesteray. The teacher in maths was mentioned a 'negative root' so I said "that sure was a negative root I had on the weekend". Wait, it was me who laughed... does that count?

��奸earned a new skill?
I'm currently learning how to turn metal and use a bandsaw (wow, really hard...)

��存aw a band play live?
Um at my party there were people playing instruments

��夙ot in touch with someone you haven���t seen since high school?
Saw people from Gossy at Sydney Uni.

��圬anced?
Friday for like two seconds when I was at an Irish pub in the city.

��圩elt the sun on your face, and noticed it?
Today.

��奸istened to the Butthole Surfers?
The Who?


Wow how fucking interesting was THAT!
���  ¶ 12:01 0 Comments

  As I sit glueing red lentils to a piece of cardboard I envision myself with an income and wonder if money would make me happy. Poverty for another four years... I still haven't broken even with my new job although it's only been a week. I have three days to decide whether I want to drop maths with view to dropping course after one year but am deciding against it to keep my options open. I told the psychiatrist life was boring me so she suggested I a)ring my family when I am bored and b) read magazines. But I have discovered paint-by-numbers now at the art and craft shop and Bondi Junction Westfield where I am now. Today is my day off, Tuesday and I'm working at 2:30. Then i have a maths lesson at seven thirty. My flatmate Joel's friends decided to throw him a surprise birthday party... in our appartment. They didn't ask, they just said they were doing it, and asked me to let them in beforehand while he was out. So there are still balloons and streamers on the walls which is going to look shitty if they are still there after a week or so. They also took the rubbish from the kitchen and put it on the balcony, and moved the furniture around, all on top of having a party at midnight on a Monday night. At my party one guy said that due to all the international students there is no sense of community at Mulwarree because everyone segregates into their own cultures and most of the appartments are like mine - everyone ignores each other. So I am welcome at the appartment downstairs where they do normal stuff like watch Prisonbreak and Lost on TV together but as for mine it may as well be aparteid.

I'd just like to declare that I've had dandruff lately and this morning I had to wash my hair, ahead of schedule. Wow.

So, why am I glueing lentils to a piece of cardboard, you may ask? For the silly existential design assignment about... stuff.  ¶ 11:42 0 Comments

  The Chinese Students Association is holding Cantonese classes... yay!It sounds like it's free. Cool.  ¶ 09:36 0 Comments

  Handsome Taiwanese boy in course handed in superb tech drawing assignment. The theme was geometric patterns but his was godly. I handed in mine - covered in smudges and grease stains (from the coffee table - only place could use t-square) and today presented my 'childhood memories' A2 poster. Better than last week's which got a bad response. Today my composition was well done etc and I was happy.
Tomorrow I have invited a few people over for a party. Those few people are going to discover how few friends I have, so I'm going to invite the whole of Mulwarree to it and make it appear as though I am really fucking popular. Sigh. Been having really funny dreams lately. Strange stuff.

Oh my god this is our new assignment for design: "To produce a composition of many similar small components of a single class (seeds, matches, buttons etc) that expresses the theme 'New Life' making explicit the antinomical qualities of Form, continuity/alternation." Most people are clueless as to what this is. I have a basic idea of what I'm going to do because as far as I'm concerned you can do whatever you want as long as you can explain what it means.

Over and out. Must do computers learning journal entry.

Ciao.  ¶ 13:27 0 Comments

  I think I'm forming a tolerance to the drugs because I've started having flashback fantasies of being a spy. Jesus Christ, what is it about being a spy? F-ing craziness! Note to self: must speak to doctor. The other day I had to double-check that Rose was not a spy. This guy that I met on Friday told me that in a university in England there's an MI5 agent in every 'terrorism' tutorial. Rose is officially not a spy because she didn't try to recruit me. Only coz I'm crazy! Damn! That's discrimination! If I ever find out that Rose really is a secret agent, I am going to be so angry.

Change of subject...

Last night I went to film society event Randwick. It was dinner followed by a movie. I thought there'd be heaps of people but at first it was just me and three other people so I thought oh...intimate. I fully thought the Cute President was about 26 or something but turns out he's a couple of months older than me. Yet look how successful he's been in becoming President of the society! So after I found out he was my age it kind of changed the way I looked at him. Before this, though, he told us he broke up with his girlfriend. I was trying not to smile to widely. So anyway I had beef vindaloo and we saw Matchpoint which is a Woody Allen movie. It was alright... nothing special. The main guy was pretty good in it though, and quite handsome.

I learnt how to do the checkouts this morning. I had a four-hour shift in which I watched and packed plastic bags and observed consumer trends: Grannys buy biscuits, and lots of them, and get their groceries delivered. One person was on a total health kick, you could tell, and one woman did a $550 shop. It was never ending man, her trolley was fucking full. Young men buy heaps of meat. Mothers buy school snacks.

I skipped my pointless computers lecture and cooked for myself bacon and eggs after work. All I've got now is two maths lectures. fuck man, I tense up just at the thought of it.

Eren, the film society guy, has a friend who has recently been told she has about four years to live before a virus eating away at her heart kills her. Last night I had the strangest dream that I was a ghost watching over my sister and my mother, and my sister (Mel) could communicate with me, and so I asked her to tell Mum not to be sad that I was dead, but she didn't. Death always signifies change - I'm quitting smoking. I've gone pretty well so far, had two yesterday and haven't bought another pack. Craved it and craved it all last night after dinner and after the movie and before I went to bed and when I got home from work today, and just said No. And I told my brain, No Means No! I don't think it's the addiciton but more the habit of having a smoke just for something to do that is hardest to get rid of - it's a serious change in state of mind. I figure after more and more time, I will forget about smoking. I think it's forgetting about it which is the hardest. Maybe that's why you go through a 'grieving' process. Anyway in this dream I was on the top bunk of a bunk bed, and when I lent over the side, the ground was miles and miles below and I felt the way you feel when you lean over a high balcony and experience a fear of heights. It was scary. So I had to sit upright to prevent myself from tipping over the side.  ¶ 15:06 0 Comments

  This is what I am doing to pass maths. I got a tutor, for twenty bucks for one and a half hours (he is happy to go on to two) and today I went to the free tutoring service in the maths department. And I'm about to borrow a book on three-unit maths.
Speaking of maths I saw a movie with Gwyneth Paltrow and Anthony Hopkins and Jake Gylenhaal on the weekend called Proof about a daughter of a mad maths professor who is afraid she will go mad aswell.
I have an extra reason to pass maths aswell as the fact that it would increase my HECS debt and piss me off - if you want to go on exchange you can't have any fails on your record. So I'm rearing to go, man. THe only place ID students can go to do ID is the Mumbai Institute of Technology. This would be fun for six months or so. I could go to Nepal and Sri Lanka and be an extra in a Bollywood filmd (Mumbai is the home of Bollywood!). On the downside, Mumbai is one of the largest slums in Asia... it would be a real eye opener!
Otherwise it would be cheap to live there and because it would be exchange, I'd still get centrelink payments. Cool! Must - pass- maths!  ¶ 11:45 0 Comments

  Back by popular demand! LOL.
So last friday's design class was really fun, I got complemented and was high for the rest of the day. Today's was another story, will get to that.
Saturday Kate came up from Tumut and we went to the art gallery and saw Self Portraits. Sunday I went to the beach with my flatmate Pamela then spontaneously combusted no spontaneously held a dinner party for Ella, Rose, and Marcin. I made ravioli all by myself, well just the filling, I bought the wonton wrappers. My neighbours Sharnie and Marissa from downstairs came up to watch TV so there was a fair crowd there. Monday was busy as usual, three hours of maths, scarcely following what was going on. Many industrial design students are opting for a maths skills course this semester and to do the real maths course later. As for me, I'm going to stick it out. Yesterday I tried answering review questions and did not have a clue so I wrote out a sign and stuck it out the front of Mulwarree appartments saying "Maths Tutor Wanted" and twenty minutes after coming back inside again, someone called. He's studying astro physics so should be pretty well-versed. Tuesday was my day off but I came into uni to print stuff out for my design assignment and do my computers assignment, which is to produce a two-page document with Adobe InDesign with the aim being to show off the technical skill you have learnt during class. Well, I haven't learnt anything except how to insert pictures, so that is exactly what I did. I will probably just pass. Then I came home and did the whole of my design assignment which was due today. As for Wednesday we had a ridiculously boring lecture on "information modelling" for Computers. I don't think I will turn up for the next lecture because we don't get assessed on what's in them. Yesterday was tech drawing, followed by a maths tute where after class I asked the teacher what the hell were trigonometric identities anyway, and she said either do the maths skills course or get a tutor. So I put the sign up and got a tutor straight away. We have organised to meet on Saturday. And today in Design Fundamentals everyone made their presentations and I got in trouble for having annotations, which were written in unattractive lettering, on strips of masking tape on a black background. Frankly I thought it looked 'cool' but to my teacher it was not on. So mine ended up being the one of the crappiest (there were some ultra good ones) and we can safely conclude that I am no longer the design prodigy I was last week! This afternoon is my orientation at Coles, I think it's paid, because I've already started spending in advance! Then tonight the film society and the Singapore Students Association are having a joint social at a bar on Oxford St so Pamela and I being members of these clubs are both going. So tomorrow I just have to wake up and meet the maths guy then on Sunday I have to come to the library and do an online maths test and a learning journal entry for Computers. Oh also in design today we showed our sketches and the teacher told one girl that her sketches were "terrible" and mine were pretty bad too even though they were pretty good for my standards. She said read some books or take some classes on how to draw. Geez man, maths classes, drawing classes, design class ego-deflation and harsh criticism, oh god, now that I'm not a design prodigy, how will I ever survive? I'm sure I'm not the least talented one in the whole course, I never am, I'll probably be just average.

OK well that's my week in a large nutshell, hope you all enjoyed it!

Oh by the way I made a chicken casserole and it was edible but the chicken was a bit dry and I added to much herbs. Just chucked them in, you know.  ¶ 13:42 0 Comments

  I should pretend to be racist more often, I got lots of hits after that last post.

I got the job at Coles today whoo hoo! Money!  ¶ 17:57 0 Comments

  Today I had the interview at Coles. As I waited, it occurred to me how potentially boring and dreary this job would be if I got it. The chick asked questions about team work etc and according to myself, I am a leader who likes to set good examples!

I also had a screening to participate in an eye study where you get free contact lenses.

That's it. Oh no it's not I bought the maths course pack and started trying to do revision questions and they're all FUCKING hard and weird and stupid.

Hmmm what else can i write about oh no I'll have to try a bit of creative writing again. I thought of why I was so inspired when I was in Taiwan: it was because I was overseas for one and second everytime I went into an internet cafe I took a green tea in with me and those have caffeine in them. That's my theory anyway. And there was just so much more to satirise and bag out.

Indians, Indians, everywhere
That Taiwanese chick gave me a scare
Mainlanders studying Information Tech
Not that many Koreans to bear
You fucking sleazy Indians,
Go back to your country
You come here just to make money
You are mostly fucked in the head
All the things Anan said
Demonstrated how fucked up
You all are
Sorry to any Indians reading this but frankly I think you're all sleazy rip-off artists  ¶ 16:18 0 Comments

  Interview at Coles tomorrow. Bring resume and passport.

Add another $10 for dust mask and ear plugs, and $30 for maths course reader. Joy. Paid rent today. Fucking hell.

Mum thought I was specifically aiming to upset her by talking about "MM" which she thought was some kind of illicit drug when it fact it was an abbreviation for MUTUAL MASTURBATION. Mum asked me if I wanted to 'end up in Missenden Unit" because she thinks I'm taking all sorts of drugs. Looks like she's the paranoid one. So here's something that's actually aimed to upset her as I know she doesn't like the "common, Blacktown language":

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

So here are the two things Mum is paranoid about:

1. I am taking a drug that is called "MM"
2. I set out to 'upset' her on a regular basis.

Maybe I should slip some risperidone into her coffee next time I see her.

Love,
Lizwa  ¶ 18:11 0 Comments

  The Beginning of a New Era

as a Check-Out Chick. Coles Randwick called, I was on the fucking field trip so I missed it. I goddam hope they didn't call someone else after trying me and give them MY interview. I can smell the money. I can smell an airport. I can smell a polluted Chinese river.

To tell you the truth, I've always wondered what it would be like to be a check-out chick. Nice uniform, working alone, not having to talk to anyone, scanning things, asking for Fly Buys cards... What's that I smell? Smells like money!

On Thursday I went down to a 'meet and greet' organised by some people at Mulwarree appartments. Some guys came down and brought us all back to their appartment, number nine. I met a few people including a handsome version of Kevin Bacon studying graduate law. Then I came back, me and Pamela went to get dinner and something to drink, then we got Andy out of his room to drink with us. Language 'du jour' was of course Chinese and Andy is going to come with me tomorrow to the Chinese Students Association welcome BBQ.

Last night I was going to go to a party at number nine but Star Wars 3 was on, which is my favourite, where Luke Skywalker finds out Darth Vader is his father, so Luke (from Tumut) and I just sat on the couch watching that and finishing two bottles of wine. We couldn't shag for alcohol-related physiological issues but after a bit of MM we both successfully passed out. I woke in the morning to be told by Luke that I was talking in my sleep... in Chinese. Dude, I hope there's nothing serious going on upstairs, to be talking in my sleep in another fucking language. What the hell was I dreaming? And you know how dreams are so weird and trippy... I hope my Mum isn't smart enough to figure out what MM stands for otherwise she'll once again tell me to cool it with this blog.

As for the 'fucking' field trip, it was a waste of thirty dollars except for this one drawing exercise where we drew circles and squares and triangles in all different sizes. Then they got philosophical on us and said that everything we design is based on circles and squares. Our next exercise was to recall childhood memories we have about circles and squares. I'm not shitting you. Then based on our discussions, we had to build sandcastles together on the beach (Bronte). A bit airy-fairy, a bit hippy, a bit College-of-Fine-Arts maybe... the general consensus was that the whole day lacked a point and we got nothing for thirty bucks. Everyone had the shits so they cancelled the last activity and said we could go home.

Well I'm at Dad's house at the moment and Ben is trying to convince me to accept his Gameboy Advance as a two years worth of birthday presents. I'm like 'dude, I'm really not into video games' and all I can do is imagine selling it like a junky would do and getting a bit of extra cash. Speaking of extra cash, I better fucking get this job at Coles because I've already decided that I've got the job and therefore already concluded that I will indeed go to China at the end of the year. And spend lots on red wine in the meantime. Cheryl took me shopping today. Three skirts, three tops, a funky bracelet. We also watched Rent. Ben walked out coz it was a bit too musical for his liking. I cried during the AIDS support meetings and when Angel died. It was pretty sad, and so contemporary, but set already a decade ago.

||||OK BYE FOR NOW
||||I'M GOING TO BED
||||GOODNIGHT  ¶ 22:54 0 Comments