OK so I kind of lost it when I found that I didn't get paid this morning. Two emails, no apologies for the inconvenience, and then, well, let's just say that I have a flair for rude, bitchy emails:

Dear Max,
A couple of thoughts regarding the delay in my pay:
1. I am not a Customer, therefore, why should email regarding my pay be addressed to Customer Service? Who are your actual customers, and what are you selling to them?
2. Would it do too much harm to apologise for the delay with my pay,and explain where the mistake was made, and that it won't happen again? Or is this such a common occurrence that noone in your office cares enough anymore to respond properly?
Liz

Daydreaming at my desk, I imagined my email getting passed around the office, for everyone to see, so that they could marvel at my skill.

Postscript. He called me to apologise after that. If that's what it takes!  ¶ 18:20