Monday, September 27, 2004
Check it out! Oh god. My Mum took "home economics!"
"The Good Wife's Guide":
http://forumosa.com/taiwan/viewtopic.php?t=22912
And here is my revised version!
1. Have dinner ready for him when he gets home. Is anyone ever going to do this for you? No, because you are a woman.
2. Prepare yourself. Touch up your make-up, because you are but a shell without it.
3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him when he gets home - men love lesbians, and maybe you could buy some sex toys.
4. Clear away the clutter - it must remain unknown to him that you have better things to do all day than sit around yearning for him.
5. Gather up schoolbooks and toys - your Husband must not be reminded of the presence of children in the house, and clean everything, otherwise he will think you are dirty, and then divource you, and then what are you going to do?
6. Light a fire and create a haven of rest for him - catering for his comfort might mean a nice box of chocolates somewhere down the line.
7. Tell the kids to go to their rooms and shut the f*** up - the Queen is coming to stay.
8. Be happy to see him. Make sure the postman has left well before the roast is in the oven.
9. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to fully depend on him for your livelihood.
10. Listen to him - his topics of conversation are more important that yours because they can be.
11. Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you - he's obviously having an affair, but you should have thought about that when you agreed to marry him.
12. Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace and tranquility. One fight will lead to another, and then he will divource you. Are you willing to live the rest of your life in utter disgrace? What will the ladies at church say?
13. Don't greet him with complaints and problems - visit the hardware store, buy some gaffa tape, and stick it over your mouth. This has proven quite successful with many ladies who have written in and told us. Take it off to eat, brush your teeth, and for other tasks that require an open mouth.
14. Once again, don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. The motel he's staying at may be giving him discount rates, depending on whether or not he's a regular customer. This is for you to determine.
15. Make him feel comfortable. Give him a pillow, or even a blow-job in front of the fire place. He has been working all day, and you, all you have done all day is read magazines like this one.
16. Arrange his pillow and take off his shoes. Speak in a low, sexy voice, and if you try to compete with the other woman for sexiness, maybe he'll start coming home from work a little earlier from now on.
17. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. He is always right, and it is unfair to make him realise he didn't marry a bimbo. Hire a private detective, and find mean and nasty ways of taking revenge. After all, that's all you can you - be thankful he married you. Maybe if you buy a new shade of lipgloss, he might feel attracted to you again. Check out the new lines on page 56.
18. A good wife is one that shuts up and puts out.
¶ 19:19
"The Good Wife's Guide":
http://forumosa.com/taiwan/viewtopic.php?t=22912
And here is my revised version!
1. Have dinner ready for him when he gets home. Is anyone ever going to do this for you? No, because you are a woman.
2. Prepare yourself. Touch up your make-up, because you are but a shell without it.
3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him when he gets home - men love lesbians, and maybe you could buy some sex toys.
4. Clear away the clutter - it must remain unknown to him that you have better things to do all day than sit around yearning for him.
5. Gather up schoolbooks and toys - your Husband must not be reminded of the presence of children in the house, and clean everything, otherwise he will think you are dirty, and then divource you, and then what are you going to do?
6. Light a fire and create a haven of rest for him - catering for his comfort might mean a nice box of chocolates somewhere down the line.
7. Tell the kids to go to their rooms and shut the f*** up - the Queen is coming to stay.
8. Be happy to see him. Make sure the postman has left well before the roast is in the oven.
9. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to fully depend on him for your livelihood.
10. Listen to him - his topics of conversation are more important that yours because they can be.
11. Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you - he's obviously having an affair, but you should have thought about that when you agreed to marry him.
12. Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace and tranquility. One fight will lead to another, and then he will divource you. Are you willing to live the rest of your life in utter disgrace? What will the ladies at church say?
13. Don't greet him with complaints and problems - visit the hardware store, buy some gaffa tape, and stick it over your mouth. This has proven quite successful with many ladies who have written in and told us. Take it off to eat, brush your teeth, and for other tasks that require an open mouth.
14. Once again, don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. The motel he's staying at may be giving him discount rates, depending on whether or not he's a regular customer. This is for you to determine.
15. Make him feel comfortable. Give him a pillow, or even a blow-job in front of the fire place. He has been working all day, and you, all you have done all day is read magazines like this one.
16. Arrange his pillow and take off his shoes. Speak in a low, sexy voice, and if you try to compete with the other woman for sexiness, maybe he'll start coming home from work a little earlier from now on.
17. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. He is always right, and it is unfair to make him realise he didn't marry a bimbo. Hire a private detective, and find mean and nasty ways of taking revenge. After all, that's all you can you - be thankful he married you. Maybe if you buy a new shade of lipgloss, he might feel attracted to you again. Check out the new lines on page 56.
18. A good wife is one that shuts up and puts out.
¶ 19:19
