Friday, September 30, 2005
A Procrastinator's Guide to the Galaxy
First of all, I eventually got over the loss of my perfect post. But I am not feeling nearly as inspired as I was when I wrote it, and all my posts will continue to be boring pieces of crap.
Second of all, guess what, I finished my 2000-character essay for In-Country study. I did everything in my power to put it off, including driving to Katoomba, calling my grandmother, and going shopping in the car just for cigarettes. But the powers that be finally made me sit down at my desk and pretend to feel like a student. First I started reading about Mao again. Then I just went STUFF IT and dragged out the half-done essay and just made shit up. Last night and this morning I wrote it out in Chinese (the draft was in pinyin of course, who do you think I am, superman?) and now it's done. It's boring, sub-standard, insight-into-Chinese-culture lacking, pyschological experience of living in an Asian country-town ignoring, report on the more mundane aspects of my time in Taiwan. For example: "My experience working: I taught at a kindergarten. The kids were really cute. I also had three one-on-one students. All I had to do with one of them was help memorise dialogues. I also worked at a buxiban. This required alot of energy. I had a good relationship with the boss." It's embarrassingly bad but it'll have to do. It counts for 30% of my mark for that particular in-country study unit. The other 70% is my marks at the language centre. They were all (don't tell anyone), made up by Chen Xiaojie when I emailed her telling her I needed a transcript. Thanks for the H.D., Chen Xiaojie!
Now I am going to dedicate a whole paragraph to Mark Patterson. Haha no I'm not!
No really I stayed at Mark's blue mountain bungalow the other night. Then we drove all the way to Katoomba for lunch. We went to this boring unappealing old-fogey poshy hotel called Lilianfels. There was a big poshy sitting room with couches and coffee tables everywhere, with old fogeys playing scrabble and eating $20 sandwiches. We sat at the bar. Mark chatted up the girl working there. Later he called her sister, whom he knows, and told her she was more attractive than her sister. Mark likes to compare sisters. Maybe he compares himself to his brother. Then we had $35 sirloin steaks and I got full. I tried to burp out loud to break the stuffy, pretentious atmosphere. This invokes hysterical laughter on my part, and my day henceforth becomes complete.
What else did I do in my beautiful break from uni. Oh The fucking housemates came back EARLY from Byron Bay. FUCK that RUINED my DAY. Man, you don't know what you haven't got until it's fucking BACK. I was genuinely enjoying myself. My uni break may aswell be OVER.
Other things I did were, have lunch with my Mum in Eastasia. Ooops I meant Eastwood. I saw a play of Ella's. It was too intellectual for me and I got bored. I need plays that explain everything to you. Eastasia is near E-Ping, althought ten years ago it was known by the name "Epping". Ella and I grew up in E-Ping, back when it was still Epping.
Me and Ella are going to one day become yuppies that live in Bondi. I says to her I says "but how are we going to be trendy and yuppy-like like everyone else?" She says to me she says, "all you need to do is go jogging every morning, get your hair done every six weeks, and most importantly," she says, "wear sunglasses that cover half your face like a mask." This mask-concept is very important. Everybody's hiding, is all. If you walk down the street with big-arse sunnies on you, you fit in straight away. "OK!" I says to her I says, "I'll do it! I'll even go jogging every day!"
But before we transform into the ultra-cool beings that we were always destined to be, we are going to go to Brazil and New York and Italy. I think, dear readers, that we finally have a verdict on the "what the fuck am I going to do next year?" debate. I'm going to get a job and travelle, mes amis. That's what I want most of all, is it not? Another three years of reading shit, spewing it up in essays and presentations and exams, trying to make friends with snobs, and being fucking POOR is much less appealing. Will do it when I get back.... maybe.
This morning as I put off getting out of bed, I began to seriously contemplate becoming a high-class escort. Dude, rich guys are not losers and would statistically have higher levels of personal hygiene. I could keep half the money for myself, and use the other half to send my niece and nephew to poshy private schools, where they will only associate with other affluent people and when they finish school will get jobs based on who they know rather than what they know. Noone will know their aunty Liz was a ... ahem!
I changed my mind though. How could anyone ever go through with it. Obviously people made for the job do.
Well, I have to go staple my essay up now.
Thanks for reading my blog everyone, you rock. All three of you, I mean really, you guys are the BEST.
Love,
Lizwa TM ¶ 14:29
First of all, I eventually got over the loss of my perfect post. But I am not feeling nearly as inspired as I was when I wrote it, and all my posts will continue to be boring pieces of crap.
Second of all, guess what, I finished my 2000-character essay for In-Country study. I did everything in my power to put it off, including driving to Katoomba, calling my grandmother, and going shopping in the car just for cigarettes. But the powers that be finally made me sit down at my desk and pretend to feel like a student. First I started reading about Mao again. Then I just went STUFF IT and dragged out the half-done essay and just made shit up. Last night and this morning I wrote it out in Chinese (the draft was in pinyin of course, who do you think I am, superman?) and now it's done. It's boring, sub-standard, insight-into-Chinese-culture lacking, pyschological experience of living in an Asian country-town ignoring, report on the more mundane aspects of my time in Taiwan. For example: "My experience working: I taught at a kindergarten. The kids were really cute. I also had three one-on-one students. All I had to do with one of them was help memorise dialogues. I also worked at a buxiban. This required alot of energy. I had a good relationship with the boss." It's embarrassingly bad but it'll have to do. It counts for 30% of my mark for that particular in-country study unit. The other 70% is my marks at the language centre. They were all (don't tell anyone), made up by Chen Xiaojie when I emailed her telling her I needed a transcript. Thanks for the H.D., Chen Xiaojie!
Now I am going to dedicate a whole paragraph to Mark Patterson. Haha no I'm not!
No really I stayed at Mark's blue mountain bungalow the other night. Then we drove all the way to Katoomba for lunch. We went to this boring unappealing old-fogey poshy hotel called Lilianfels. There was a big poshy sitting room with couches and coffee tables everywhere, with old fogeys playing scrabble and eating $20 sandwiches. We sat at the bar. Mark chatted up the girl working there. Later he called her sister, whom he knows, and told her she was more attractive than her sister. Mark likes to compare sisters. Maybe he compares himself to his brother. Then we had $35 sirloin steaks and I got full. I tried to burp out loud to break the stuffy, pretentious atmosphere. This invokes hysterical laughter on my part, and my day henceforth becomes complete.
What else did I do in my beautiful break from uni. Oh The fucking housemates came back EARLY from Byron Bay. FUCK that RUINED my DAY. Man, you don't know what you haven't got until it's fucking BACK. I was genuinely enjoying myself. My uni break may aswell be OVER.
Other things I did were, have lunch with my Mum in Eastasia. Ooops I meant Eastwood. I saw a play of Ella's. It was too intellectual for me and I got bored. I need plays that explain everything to you. Eastasia is near E-Ping, althought ten years ago it was known by the name "Epping". Ella and I grew up in E-Ping, back when it was still Epping.
Me and Ella are going to one day become yuppies that live in Bondi. I says to her I says "but how are we going to be trendy and yuppy-like like everyone else?" She says to me she says, "all you need to do is go jogging every morning, get your hair done every six weeks, and most importantly," she says, "wear sunglasses that cover half your face like a mask." This mask-concept is very important. Everybody's hiding, is all. If you walk down the street with big-arse sunnies on you, you fit in straight away. "OK!" I says to her I says, "I'll do it! I'll even go jogging every day!"
But before we transform into the ultra-cool beings that we were always destined to be, we are going to go to Brazil and New York and Italy. I think, dear readers, that we finally have a verdict on the "what the fuck am I going to do next year?" debate. I'm going to get a job and travelle, mes amis. That's what I want most of all, is it not? Another three years of reading shit, spewing it up in essays and presentations and exams, trying to make friends with snobs, and being fucking POOR is much less appealing. Will do it when I get back.... maybe.
This morning as I put off getting out of bed, I began to seriously contemplate becoming a high-class escort. Dude, rich guys are not losers and would statistically have higher levels of personal hygiene. I could keep half the money for myself, and use the other half to send my niece and nephew to poshy private schools, where they will only associate with other affluent people and when they finish school will get jobs based on who they know rather than what they know. Noone will know their aunty Liz was a ... ahem!
I changed my mind though. How could anyone ever go through with it. Obviously people made for the job do.
Well, I have to go staple my essay up now.
Thanks for reading my blog everyone, you rock. All three of you, I mean really, you guys are the BEST.
Love,
Lizwa TM ¶ 14:29
